Remember back in the old days when our cars were the
Altimater and Trina the Tribute? Well, we don’t have either of those anymore. And
surprisingly, the Tribute had a more exciting exit plan than the Alitmater.
It started back in February when we received a letter from
Mazda. I’ll summarize it for you:
Dear beloved Mazda owner,
FYI- your car might blow up. Don't worry though, we will fix it. Just not right now. We don’t have
the parts yet. We will send you another letter when we are ready. Until then, don’t
park near your house because you wouldn’t want that to catch on fire too. We will never have the parts for that. Thanks!
Your friends,
Mazda
Well, our car didn’t make it until the second letter came:
For LB the saddest tragedy of all was that she had just
stopped at Sonic to get a Route 44 Diet Coke that she was never able to drink. There
it lays, helplessly on the pavement, its innards mingled with engine fluid, liquefied
carburetor, and the water used
to extinguish the flames. In one
respect, it was a wonderful way for a diet coke to go out...to be taken away by the water used
to quench the inferno that parched our car the same way it has on so many
occasions quenched the thirst that has parched our throats. Very meta. It truly did go
down in a blaze of glory.
Our car catching on fire was postshadowing. (PS. I made that
word up because I don’t know what the antonym of foreshadowing is.) At least one day a week for the
previous 3 weeks, I got stuck in traffic on the way home from work due to a car
catching on fire. By the third week, I was thinking “how does that even happen,
how does your car catch on fire? If you’re not in the mob, I mean?” Because
being stuck in traffic due to a burning car is decidedly less exciting than it
sounds. Turns out it is A LOT less exciting when it is your car.
In very related news, we now have a minivan. I was tempted to
call it a swagger wagon,
but I don’t think it is cool to say swagger anymore. I’ve heard Lee Corso say
it too many times. And we all know driving a minivan is the epitome of cool.
Just yesterday I pulled up to a red light where some teenage hooligans were
listening to their rap music too loudly, so I leaned down and cranked up the
Veggie Tales. You ain’t crampin’ my style, homeboy.
In conclusion, if you drive a Mazda Tribute, always remember to park near
someone’s house you don’t like. And read
this, it will probably come in handy soon.
What is the most dramatic way you have lost a car? When I say lost, I mean totaled. Not forgetting which floor of the parking deck you were on.
4 comments:
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The above is from Evan. He says he's glad no one was hurt and that Mazda needs a timeout.
Also, he says that you shouldn't pray for anyone anymore since you offered to pray for Dad and then Dad's cousin's house burned down.
I think it is funny that LB's diet coke made it out of the car in the first place. I guess it was on the list of important things to get like
1. the kids
2. purse
3. Sonic Diet Coke
So glad yall got a swagger wagon!
I used to wonder how cars caught on fire, until I accidentally set mine on fire. Details are at my blog.
That looks like a Ralph Waldo Emerson haiku. Evan is going to be a fine blogger one day.
BowenOwens, I was thinking that the diet coke got knocked out by the water hose, but I like the idea of LB frantically running away with arms flailing and flinging the diet coke to the ground much better.
SG, we should write a manual.
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