Christmas Potpourri. Warning: This post has nothing to do with Christmas. Or potpourri. I just called it that because sometimes Jeopardy has a category called “Potpourri” that includes a bunch of miscellaneous junk.

-Fun Facts revolving around the title of this post: 1) I spelled potpourri and miscellaneous correctly on the first try. 2) My record of correct answers while watching Jeopardy is 26.

You are probably not as impressed with either of these as I am.

-I woke up late this morning so I was running behind. In effort to make up time, I was brushing my teeth and applying deodorant at the same time. Unfortunately, in my rush I got mixed up when I switched underarms and used my toothbrush as if it were a stick of deodorant. On the plus side, I get a new toothbrush without having to go to the dentist. Yay!

-Those are two totally different things for most of us, Antonio.

-Last weekend I watched Super 8 and Crazy Stupid Love. CSL was much better than I thought it would be going into it and there was one scene about 3/4 of the way through that I had to pause because I was laughing so hard. It is hard for me to recommend though because of one of the storylines and especially the way that storyline ended. However it was good to see my blog friend Tyler Tarver in a movie. (Sideburn Collective 4 Life!). I also enjoyed Super 8. It reminded me of that time I made a movie several years ago.

- My most favoritest tweet that I ever tweeted: Given our current economic status, I wonder if LFO would now settle for girls who were Aeropostale.

-Last Tuesday I was on the radio. I won four tickets to an advanced screening of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. I called into my local AM sports talk show and played a game they call Mind Melt. They give you a topic and you have 10 seconds to list 5 things. They had run out of questions by the time they got to me so they made something up on the fly, my topic was: “Name 5 actors taller than Tom Cruise”

I laughed, then went blank and paused and uuuh'ed for about 4 seconds, which I am sure made for compelling radio. Then suddenly all of my favorite man movies came to mind so I started spitting them off: Will Smith, Mel Gibson, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis....I went blank again. I couldn’t think of a fifth, with 2 seconds left I finally spit out Katie Holmes.

They awarded me the tickets despite there being a controversy revolving around if Sylvester Stallone was actually taller than Tom Cruise.

I was super excited and called the other three guys in my discipleship group to see if they wanted to go. Plans were made and we were all set to go…until I talked to LB and she reminded me of the conversation we had the night before where she had told me she needed me to keep John that night. So it ended up, the other three guys went with the tickets I won, while I sat at home.

You can feel sorry for me now. Or send me a movie theater gift card. I will accept either.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.

Kelly: Jim!

Jim: Kelly!
Kelly: Oh! Oh my god! I have so much to tell you!
Jim: Really?
Kelly: Yes! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? They had a baby and they named it Suri. And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing!
Jim: Great. What's new with you?
Kelly: I just told you.

I have one thing on my bucket list: to grow old. According to Ada, I can go ahead and scratch it off.

Conversation from last night while getting Ada ready for bed.

Ada: Daddy, how old are you?
Me: 30.
Ada: That’s old!!!
Me: Well, it depends. To you it is old, but to Mae-mae (my mom) it'd be just getting started.
Ada: No, 30 is pretty old.
Me: Thank you.
Ada: Are you going to die soon?
Me: I hope not.
Ada: Me too. When you die, are you going to go to Heaven?
Me: Yes.
Ada: Then that will be fun, right?
Me: I think it will be.
Ada: You are going to heaven because Jesus lives in your heart, right?
Me: Right, something like that.
Ada: Who lives in Jesus’ heart?
Me: That is a good question. You see, there is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Hol….
Ada: (interrupting) I’d miss you though, if you died and went to Heaven.
Me: Well, we don’t have to worry about that right now.
Ada: Yeah, you don’t even have a walking stick yet. When you get really old and about to die, you use a walking stick, so when you start using a walking stick I will worry then.
Me: Works for me.

I think after work today, I am going to walk in the door with a walking stick to see what kind of reaction I get. I bet it will be hilarious.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.
Dwight: When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

Your questions answered, procrastinatedly.

-If Jesus were a defensive back for the Alabama Crimson Tide (which would never happen because Jesus would never play for Satan), and He got beaten on a deep route (which would never happen because Jesus has excellent coverage skills), do you think Jesus would deliberately commit a pass interference penalty to save a touchdown? Yes. I'd elaborate but this post wound up being 900 words with very little pay off.

-What should be my new hobby? Nibbling the edges off pieces of cheese until it forms a state. Complete all 50 and sell it on ebay. I bet Colorado would be easy.

-Where are you going? To heaven, eventually.

-Why didn't I invent the iPod? Because you are not Steve Jobs. Which isn’t so bad now taking considering both of your life circumstances.

-How dare you? Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

-What is your favorite TV show? Too many to pick one, so I will provide a list of recent favorites and we can discuss in the comments if you wish:
Parks and Recreation
Modern Family
Breaking Bad
Sons of Anarchy
Dexter
Chuck

-Have you ever passed out? One time in strength training class when I was a freshman, a senior put me into a wrestling move commonly known as "the sleeper hold" until I passed out in the middle of the football weight room floor. When I came to, after what was apparently only a few seconds, I asked my mom what we were having for breakfast.

-Are you ticklish? yes

-Did you really save a kid lost in the woods back in 2001? Yes, but that is a story bigger than what can be told here. Know that it was a 4hr search that involved a loyal dog, me finding him in the last few moments of precious daylight, and ended with the once lost boy clinging to me as we trudged through overgrowth only for me to return him to the arms of his weeping mother. This is all true and should probably be turned into a screen play. Russell Crowe could play me. Or Zach Galifianakis, if he shaved.

-Why do you make so many typos? My typos are like knots in beautiful hardwood flooring. The imperfections create a certain uniqueness and charming allure. This is what I tell myself, anyway. The real reason is because for some reason the Lord has blinded me to my own typos and LB doesn’t have time to proofread for me. Where “doesn’t have time” translates to“would rather watch What Not to Wear.”

-Who’s your favorite Smurf? Papa Smurf because he is like the Gandalf of the smurfs.
-Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? I am. Honestly, I am scared of most animals. For example, my dad put me on a horse one time when I was 6yrs old and I was ok until it started trotting, as in simply walking briskly, and then I began crying uncontrollably. I’m scared of animals that are bigger than me and have hooves. So what?
-I work at the MPAA! Thanks for the unintentional shout out! My question is.. since you work at the Home Depot, do you now know what unique algorithm and/or matrix they use to decide how to organize their stores? I refuse to shop at Lowe's, but I also spend 15 minutes looking for gorilla glue at Home Depot.. First of all, thank you for refusing to shop at Lowe’s. I would send you a free bottle of Gorilla Glue if I had the capability. Moving on, I don’t personally know the algorithm, but have direct access to it. The girl who is responsible for replenishing Gorilla Glue sits on the other side of my cube wall. Her name is Tara and I can tell her you said hi if you would like? Also, can you tell me the algorithm the MPAA uses to rate movies? I would love to discuss your career field more? Like do you know of anyone looking for a screenplay about a boy lost in the woods being saved by Zack Galifianakis?

-Has a Home Depot store ever run out of salad since you've been there? So far, so good. Fingers crossed….

-What is your passion? Jesus, my family, SEC football, good television, delicious food, and not being disturbed while I am in the bathroom. Mostly in that order.

-If you had to describe your life situation by using one color, what would it be? Burnt Sienna

-If you could live in any TV show, which would you choose? I can’t pick most of my favorite shows, they would all be too scary to live in. Breaking Bad: I might do meth. Dexter: I might be serial killed. Sons of Anarchy: I might be forced to wear a leather vest. I would probably have to say Cheers because that seems pretty low stress. Or Perfect Strangers, just to see if Balki was really that happy all the time.

-What's your favorite cheese? Cheddar, topped with bacon and sitting on top of a piece of beef in between two buns.

-M&Ms flavors: Too many? Which do you prefer? My favorite is either peanut or peanut butter. Too many? No way, and I’m not sure why they haven’t made peanut butter M&Ms with a peanut in it.

In conclusion, I hope I did not bore you. But I did like doing these, so send me questions any time.

Rate My Weekend

I am going to try to start something new. Life has been pretty busy lately so writing has been getting pushed to the wayside. I thought maybe if I gave myself some sort of writing deadline that is expected every week, I might actually do it. Probably not.

The success of this “series” also depends on how much you care about my weekend. Which, if I had a guess, would probably be very little. So this is pretty much doomed to fail from the beginning. Much like when I first decide to start trying to grow a beard. Though there has been speculation that my beard has magical powers, so maybe this will be magical too. Probably not.

Ok, so I was flipping through morning radio shows this morning on my way to work (now that I have a one hour commute, I get to hear a lot of morning radio shows, yay!) and the four hosts were having their weekly Monday morning competition to see who had the best weekend. They all give brief summaries then allow people to go to their website and vote. The winner gets the satisfaction of everyone else being losers.

In their format, the deejays are competing against each other. In my format, there is no way I can lose. So even if I have the worst weekend ever, at least I know I will win something. Really, this whole thing could be a ploy to make me feel better about my life.

However, I did think about taking on competitors. It could work like this: you post about your weekend on your site on Monday morning then send me the link. Every Monday, I’ll compile the links and let everyone vote. Anyone is eligible, just send me a link. The winner will be deemed the one who had the best weekend in all the internet. Or something like that. Because technically, anyone on the internet had the chance to participate. If it catches on we can come up with a better title.

I will go today and figure to win by a landslide since no one else knew about it before right now. Home field advantage. Although, I guess someone could whip something up and send it to me if they’re feeling lucky.

FRIDAY:

John had a stomach virus on Tuesday. Ada got the stomach virus starting Thursday night, so we were all pretty worn out. LB, Ada, and I all fell asleep at about 7pm while doing Ada’s bedtime routine. LB and I woke up around 8 and ended up watching several episodes of TLC’s What Not to Wear that LB had DVRed.

SATURDAY:

Was interrupted during the SEC Championship game by our town’s Christmas parade running about a block away from our house. Ada wanted to go see it, but LB was at a baby shower so I had the kids by myself and John was already asleep. I thought about setting up the baby monitor then putting the house phone right beside it and calling it with my cell while on speaker phone so it would be like a travelling baby monitor. But then remembered Ada had been sick so I probably shouldn’t get her out in the cold. Excellent parenting decisions all around on my part, I believe.

Though Ada was pretty persistent about going so, as I told twitter, I ended up telling her that all the sirens were just because the fire trucks were on the way to a really huge fire. They just weren’t in a very big hurry. And the local high school marching bands were there to play inspirational music.

SUNDAY:

Watched the Falcons blow it to a 3rd string rookie quarterback which caused me to lose a bet with Jared Hollier from Badly Drawn Bible (also, you should go check out his site. He draws the bible badly there.) and had to change my Twitter profile to this:

Apparently Jared loves Sarah Palin. Or hates moose.

Which really isn’t as bad as it could have been because I don’t really know anything about politics, so I don’t know how embarrassed I should be. I know Sarah Palin can see Russia from her front porch and was Bachman the one that was accused of witchcraft?

Found out that Alabama will be going to the BCS National Championship Game! Roll Tide!

There you have it.

If anyone thinks they can beat my weekend filled with a vomiting Ada, watching TLC’s What Not to Wear, lying to my sick daughter to get out of going to the Christmas parade, watching the Falcons lose thus losing a bet, and finding out my NCAA team of choice is getting a chance to play for the national championship, send me the link and will become fierce rivals. If not, sleep well tonight knowing my weekend was better than yours.

For now you are rating the awesomeness of my weekend. If I get a challenger, we will switch the voting to simply who had a better weekend, them or me. So for now, we are going with the 5 star rating system, where 5 stars equals Awesome and 1 star equals the opposite of that.

How was your weekend?

PS. I will definitely post answers to your questions this week. Pinky swear.