Guest post from Bull, the MLK Jr. of Christmas Lights

Surprisingly, I actually did get a few questions from my last post. I plan on getting the answers up early next week. Until then, I have a guest post from my buddy and old Dr. Awesome cohort, Bull. He sent me this post earlier this week but if I had posted it before today, the Friday after Thanksgiving, I would have felt like a hypocritical racist. Enjoy!

Are you familiar with the term "Christmas creep"? It's when stores start putting up their Christmas decorations way too early, which for the mall is usually around Labor Day. The worst offender is Target, which has spent so many years getting earlier and earlier with their Christmas creep that they've actually looped the calendar and the Christmas stuff you see on display now is for next year. I'm against Christmas creep. I don't think any Christmas decor should be on display until after Thanksgiving, like in the Bible when the Israelites put up their Christmas stuff (note: check this biblical fact before submitting post to Scott). However, I broke my personal preference this year. The Saturday before Thanksgiving, I went up in the attic, drug out the Christmas boxes, and started untangling strands of lights. My little girl has been potty training, and as a reward for successfully putting tee tee in the potty as opposed to on the floor, I decided to let her "help" me put some lights in the bushes on front of the house. Yes, it's a few days early, but potty victory trumps Christmas creep (that should be the slogan for something, I don't know what though, maybe a very special episode of a CW show). Everything was going fine until my wife revealed that she was a total racist.

I guess I should back up a couple of steps. We were developing our strategy for decorating the house, which I thought should be somewhere between minimalist and Clark W. Griswold, and I was unpacking several strands of multicolored lights. As I plugged them in to verify that they still worked, my wife informed that she only wanted to use white lights on the house. "Whites only?!?!" I thought to myself with alarm. Who is this racist vixen? A disagreement ensued, with her taking the side that white lights look simple and classy, and me taking the side that she is a racist who hates disadvantaged minorities for no reason at all. I pointed out to no avail that Jesus loves all the little children of the world, including red, yellow, black, and white. She remained firm in her position that this is just Christmas lights and has nothing to do with being racist. But I know better. We ended up going with the all-white look, because my wife's feminine wiles are persuasive. But I'm sad that our house might as well have a big sign that says "Merry KKKhristmas!"

Friends, you have a choice this year. You can use multicolored lights, and promote love and unity. Or you can be a divisive bigot and use white lights only. Christmas blog poll: which type of Christmas lights will you use? Will you add strand after strand of many colors, and glorify the Lord through diversity? Or are you a hate-filled monger of hatred? Leave your answer in the comments section.

Hello, it's Scott again. You should have been able to tell because all the letters are leaning slightly to the right. I know some people don't like leaving comments, so to try and make a way for everyone to voice their opinion on such an important, hot button topic, I made a poll for you:





Note: Poll isn't viewable in Reader. My bad.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.

Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said "If you are racist, I will attack with the North."

4 Year Bloggerversary Q&A

Last week was my 4 year blogging anniversary. It passed with very little pomp and circumstance. Mainly because I have a new job that does not allow me to spend any time writing posts. Now to get my job done, I actually have to think and stuff. If you would like to pay me so that I wouldn't have to work and could write blog posts every day, I would be willing to listen to that proposal.

Speaking of, remember back when I didn’t have a job? Haha, whatever. Unemployment is for losers. I know because when I was unemployed I felt like a loser. But now, I’m totally part of the workforce again. I am very grateful because I am getting a paycheck. Home Depot is grateful because their inventory is being planned for and replenished. It’s such a symbiotic relationship. Like monkeys eating bugs off of each other.

Before I move on, I wanted to note my favorite thing about my new job is that I have a cubicle just like Chandler on Friends:

So far, I have not had to look at a Wenus.

Anyway, back to point, my 4 year blogging anniversary. Yay! In the past I have celebrated bloggerversaries with things such as wordles and comparing myself with the marine corps. This time I was stumped when trying to come up with what to do to celebrate year 4. I blame it on that depression brought on by less daylight. I don’t know what it is called but I’m pretty sure it’s a real thing because Michael Scott talked about it once.

I finally decided to celebrate by doing a question and answer post with all of you. I’ve seen other more successful bloggers do this in the past. And by “more successful“, I mean pretty much anyone else with a blog. It looked fun, plus there is potential for me to get another post out of it. I’m always big fan of efficiency. And laziness.

You can ask anything, serious or silly, as long as it would be rated PG by the MPAA and LB deems it acceptable to answer. Disclaimer: If I do not know the answer, I will make it up (read: anything about politics or television shows that come on the CW.)

To get the gears turning, here are a few example questions:

-What is your favorite TV show?
-Have you ever passed out?
-Are you ticklish?
-Did you really save a kid lost in the woods back in 2001?
-Why do you make so many typos?
-Who’s your favorite Smurf?

I realize I am setting up myself for possible embarrassment here if no one asks anything. I am ok with that. The question is, are you ok with possibly sending a man suffering from Daylight Savings Time Depression over the edge. Remember, whatever happens, it’s your fault.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.

Michael: Ok, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom. Sorry, he is very lame. Um, let's see. Seasonal affective disorder! A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter."

Darryl: Thank God we only had a baler to deal with.
Lonny: Yeah, that dim light is a b****, ain't it?
Michael: Ok guys, you know what? I didn't--- I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation.
Darryl: Actually, you did.

Texts from a Marriage #2

Sometimes I take texts conversations between LB and me and turn them into a post. Probably because we are like the Brad and Angelina of the blog world and everyone wants to know the intimate details of our lives. I know what you’re thinking, Scott, you’re much too handsome to be compared to Brad Pitt. I know, right?

LB: I am so tired. My head is killing. I think I’ve reached my limit and I just might be on the verge of going nuts.

LB: But I have to spend my evening learning how to play the tin whistle.

Me: You LOLed me.

LB: Did you say lol to cheer me up? Ada needs to go to bef super early fyi

Me: Did it cheer you up? If so, then yes. I will get Ada to bef as early as I can

LB: *bed.

LB: Unfortunately the only thing that could cheer me up is a bed and about 12hrs to sleep in it.

Me: How convenient would it be if the only thing that could cheer you up was a tin whistle?

Backstory - LB leads a homeschool group once a week and once their focus during the musical portion of the day was the tin whistle. Since LB did not have any previous experience with the tin whistle, she had to go to a class one night and learn it so she could teach it. That was why I was putting Ada to bef.

Think of this post like US magazine’s Just Like Us section. If you play the tin whistle, that is.

Do you text your spouse?

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.
Dwight: Excuse me! May I have your attention please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.

Pam: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight: Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight: They are unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad ok?
Dwight: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
Oscar: What is going on here?
Angela: Are we out of jobs?
Dwight: Yes.
Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Anniston.