I have to come clean about something: up until yesterday, I hadn’t been to the dentist in over 5yrs. If you are fortunate enough to not follow me on twitter, you didn’t already know that. Unfortunately, you are about to experience here:
There really were somewhat justifiable reasons it took me so long get to the dentist. It all started when my lifelong dentist retired. I was like the Israelites wandering around in oral hygiene wilderness. Finally, my mom scheduled me an appointment with a new dentist back home. However, there was a miscommunication and I showed up at the wrong dentist’s office. There was much confusion and hilarity ensued. That incident was followed by a lot more wandering until yesterday.
I am relieved that I finally got back into a dentist’s chair after a much too long draught. I am even more relieved that I only have one cavity. I was expecting much worse. The only problem is now that they have cleaned my teeth I am completely aware that my tongue is in my mouth.
Before yesterday my tongue was like Will Smith before he got into that one little fight with a couple guys who were up to no good, it was just chilling out, maxing, and relaxing all cool. For the most part, I went through life and never thought much about my tongue. Not anymore.
Now, I’m constantly thinking about my tongue, the inside of my mouth, and/or possible dead celebrities. Where do I put it? Does it usually touch the back of my teeth? Are my teeth open or closed? If my teeth are open, are they going to bite my tongue when I close them? What is stopping me from swallowing my tongue? Didn't some celebrity die by swallowing their tongue?
The questions surrounding typically involuntary body functions are endless when you suddenly believe they are voluntary. It is like having to control each heart beat or think about each breath taken. It’s quite tiresome.
So, if you see me in the next few days and I seem to be staring off into space, don’t worry, I'm just thinking about tongue placement. Everything is ok. Sort of.
Have you ever thought about tongue placement?
The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.
Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist?
Michael: Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist.