Your questions answered, procrastinatedly.

-If Jesus were a defensive back for the Alabama Crimson Tide (which would never happen because Jesus would never play for Satan), and He got beaten on a deep route (which would never happen because Jesus has excellent coverage skills), do you think Jesus would deliberately commit a pass interference penalty to save a touchdown? Yes. I'd elaborate but this post wound up being 900 words with very little pay off.

-What should be my new hobby? Nibbling the edges off pieces of cheese until it forms a state. Complete all 50 and sell it on ebay. I bet Colorado would be easy.

-Where are you going? To heaven, eventually.

-Why didn't I invent the iPod? Because you are not Steve Jobs. Which isn’t so bad now taking considering both of your life circumstances.

-How dare you? Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

-What is your favorite TV show? Too many to pick one, so I will provide a list of recent favorites and we can discuss in the comments if you wish:
Parks and Recreation
Modern Family
Breaking Bad
Sons of Anarchy
Dexter
Chuck

-Have you ever passed out? One time in strength training class when I was a freshman, a senior put me into a wrestling move commonly known as "the sleeper hold" until I passed out in the middle of the football weight room floor. When I came to, after what was apparently only a few seconds, I asked my mom what we were having for breakfast.

-Are you ticklish? yes

-Did you really save a kid lost in the woods back in 2001? Yes, but that is a story bigger than what can be told here. Know that it was a 4hr search that involved a loyal dog, me finding him in the last few moments of precious daylight, and ended with the once lost boy clinging to me as we trudged through overgrowth only for me to return him to the arms of his weeping mother. This is all true and should probably be turned into a screen play. Russell Crowe could play me. Or Zach Galifianakis, if he shaved.

-Why do you make so many typos? My typos are like knots in beautiful hardwood flooring. The imperfections create a certain uniqueness and charming allure. This is what I tell myself, anyway. The real reason is because for some reason the Lord has blinded me to my own typos and LB doesn’t have time to proofread for me. Where “doesn’t have time” translates to“would rather watch What Not to Wear.”

-Who’s your favorite Smurf? Papa Smurf because he is like the Gandalf of the smurfs.
-Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? I am. Honestly, I am scared of most animals. For example, my dad put me on a horse one time when I was 6yrs old and I was ok until it started trotting, as in simply walking briskly, and then I began crying uncontrollably. I’m scared of animals that are bigger than me and have hooves. So what?
-I work at the MPAA! Thanks for the unintentional shout out! My question is.. since you work at the Home Depot, do you now know what unique algorithm and/or matrix they use to decide how to organize their stores? I refuse to shop at Lowe's, but I also spend 15 minutes looking for gorilla glue at Home Depot.. First of all, thank you for refusing to shop at Lowe’s. I would send you a free bottle of Gorilla Glue if I had the capability. Moving on, I don’t personally know the algorithm, but have direct access to it. The girl who is responsible for replenishing Gorilla Glue sits on the other side of my cube wall. Her name is Tara and I can tell her you said hi if you would like? Also, can you tell me the algorithm the MPAA uses to rate movies? I would love to discuss your career field more? Like do you know of anyone looking for a screenplay about a boy lost in the woods being saved by Zack Galifianakis?

-Has a Home Depot store ever run out of salad since you've been there? So far, so good. Fingers crossed….

-What is your passion? Jesus, my family, SEC football, good television, delicious food, and not being disturbed while I am in the bathroom. Mostly in that order.

-If you had to describe your life situation by using one color, what would it be? Burnt Sienna

-If you could live in any TV show, which would you choose? I can’t pick most of my favorite shows, they would all be too scary to live in. Breaking Bad: I might do meth. Dexter: I might be serial killed. Sons of Anarchy: I might be forced to wear a leather vest. I would probably have to say Cheers because that seems pretty low stress. Or Perfect Strangers, just to see if Balki was really that happy all the time.

-What's your favorite cheese? Cheddar, topped with bacon and sitting on top of a piece of beef in between two buns.

-M&Ms flavors: Too many? Which do you prefer? My favorite is either peanut or peanut butter. Too many? No way, and I’m not sure why they haven’t made peanut butter M&Ms with a peanut in it.

In conclusion, I hope I did not bore you. But I did like doing these, so send me questions any time.