What’s the correct pluralization for Bluetooth? Bluetooths makes me feel like I’m from Alabama and Blueteeth makes me want cotton candy.

Are Bluetooths still a thing? Like, are we still doing them as a society? I’ve never had one, but then I did go two years without a cell phone, so admittedly I am not an expert when it comes to cellular communication devices.

I’ve always felt Bluetooths were a little pretentious. “Look at me, I’m so important I can’t sacrifice the use of a hand just to hold a telephone.” Really, they are like the opposite of jorts which say, “Look at me, I’m so laid back I make blue jeans even more casual.”

Because I have always thought Bluetooths to be showy, I’ve always wanted to dress up in a suit and go somewhere fancy with a Bluetooth in my ear and while waving my arms around very emphatically say things like “Winston, you idiot! I said transfer a million to the Caiman’s account. A MILLION. With an M!” then turn to whoever is standing closest to me and cover the tiny receiver with my hand and roll my eyes while sighing very audibly. But I haven’t.

Then the other day I went to Wal-Mart. I know, I’m not proud of it, I sacrificed self-respect for low everyday prices. Sometimes hard decisions have to be made, y’all. Anyway, I was in Wal-Mart and there was a lady wearing house slippers and one of those President Obama tank tops you see in mall kiosks which are expensive yet not what I would classify as fancy (because it’s a tank top, obviously) walking towards me chatting away. She didn’t appear to be what I had always envisioned as a Bluetooth user. I thought Well, maybe I’m wrong about these Bluetooths.

However as she passed me, I could see that she was not wearing a Bluetooth and was simply having a spirited conversation with her cantaloupe.

Then I was disappointed for ever having doubted myself.

Have you ever doubted yourself?

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.

Michael: Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black! Stnanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth.