The Altimater is no longer with us.
I always thought whenever I made that announcement it would be after getting in the car one day only to have never have gotten to where I was going due to poor visibility because of flames erupting from under the hood. We all know the Altimater has had its fair share of problems. I once tweeted a picture of building on fire next to where I used to work and Ricky mistook it for the Altimater. I'm sure he just said what everyone was thinking.
Which is it? Someone tried to crank the Altimater orBut that wasn't the case. My dad got us a car. Isn't that awesome? He just gave us a car. Crazy. A 2002 Mercury Sable. It is nothing fancy, but it does have all four hubcaps and the side view mirror is not held on by duct tape. We'll take it. He said it will probably be the last thing he will ever give me. I said that was fair.
We actually sold the Altimater a few weeks ago. I sold it to Cory. You remember Cory. Don't think I hosed him though. Before buying the Altima, he didn't have a car so I often gave him rides to and from work and usually complained about either what just broke or what was about to break on the car the whole way. He knew everything and still wanted to buy it, so I sold it to him under two conditions: 1) he has to keep calling it the Altimater 2) he can never listen to the Black Eyed Peas while in it (he has a strange fascination with the BEPs.) He completely rejected #2 but made a counteroffer to #1: he will give it a "ghetto name", like LaAltimatermisha. Mazal tov.
I offered to give the money to dad but he said not to pay him back now, just wait until later on and put him in one of those classy assisted living places for old people. Luckily, Alzheimer's runs in our family so he'll totally forget about our deal. (Dad, I'm kidding. (I don't know why I added that disclaimer, dad doesn't even know what the internet is.))
LB and I decided that we are going to use the money from selling the old car to get LB one those complicated cameras that could be used by National Geographic to take pictures of giraffes eating foliage from the tops of trees yet all moms seem to have and use them to take sideways pictures of their dinner. So really it is like we traded the Altimater for a camera AND got a car with a working AC and CD player. We're excited.
I won't delay the introductions any longer. Beloved readers, meet Mercules:
The paint job isn't really all highlighty like that. My phone made it look that for some reason. I kind of liked it though because it looks like Xzibt stopped by and pimped my ride. So, there she is. She looks a little like a government issued vehicle to me. I think for fun I am going to start driving around Atlanta while letting a cord dangle from my ear and talk into my watch. People will either think I am some sort of government agent or that I am crazy. Either way, they will probably be scared and get out of my way which will make for a better commute for me.
Have you ever had a car with a cooler name than Mercules?
Have you ever had a car with a cooler name than Mercules?
The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.
Dwight: Well, here are your options: you can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff... you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or, you can sell it to me, and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey.
9 Comments:
"...yet all moms seem have and use them to take sideways pictures of their dinner. ." Hilarious! Love your blog! I just recently found it and I laugh the whole way through it!!
Mercules is a powerful name for a car. I've never had anything nearly that cool. I had a '84 F-150 that was known as Old Blue and other cars that had multiple swear words in the name, but nothing like Mercules. Awesome.
Scott, I like the pic, now time for some flames down the side or something. You're in good company if you feel like you drive a car that looks government issue. Sometimes when I take my solid white regular cab pickup out into public, I wonder if people will ask me when the city is going to pave their road or when the city is going to clean up the park in their neighborhood. Maybe thats why I like "Parks and Rec" so much because I can identify with city government.
Congrats on the shiny new wheels!
I've had Penelope the Protege, Carlotta the Cutless Ciera, Maxine the Maxima, Persephone the Pathfinder and Camry the Toyota.
First, Taylor all of a sudden you are commenting on blogs and on facebook. You say you are above social networking yet you cave. And he isn't kidding. His interior in the truck can be hosed out with water. :)
Second, Scott congrats on the car. I know the Altimater made some great memories over the years and now you will have some great memories of dinners captured by a mom camera. Sounds like a fair trade.
My car (which was a hand-me-down from my grandmother) was called the "Ghetto Sled"---a grey, 1990 Oldsmobile Cutless Ciera, that I proudly sold for $500 five months ago. Good riddance.
Nothing compares to the Stanza. Remember when you cracked your windshield killing gnats on it and we hid it at my house till it was dark.....good times.
*Fixed some grammar errors from deleted post
Rhea/Lane families, I am blushing. Thank you very much.
Rick, Old Blue is classic. I bet that was the name of the truck Alan Jackson was talking about in that song where his dad let him drive.
Tank, maybe you and Johnny T should start a side business of paving roads. He has the experience, you have the truck.
Ricky, I noticed that a lot of your car names have a lot of syllables. Im not sure what that means.
BowenOwens, I wish I could wash the interior of Mercules with a garden hose. If I ever do, I will take a sideways picture of it.
Courtney, Ghetto Sled is awesome. You win.
Kyle, then I drove it home and parked it in the backyard. The next morning my dad said said "why is the car in the middle of the backyard?" and I tried to act like it was normal for me to park there....yes, good times.
The line about the fancy camera cracked me up...you know about taking sideways pictures of their dinner. So funny because it's true!!
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