Burt and Cory

I gotta job. Holler! This may be old news to most of you if you read LB’s blog or, like, know me in real life. But today is my first day. I’m working at the Home Depot corporate headquarters. I like to say corporate headquarters because it sounds all fancy. So fancy, in fact, I shaved my Unemployment Beard yesterday. The Unemployment Beard is like Christmas Beard’s loser cousin who doesn’t have a job.

I will post about that later. Home Depot, I mean. Not my Unemployment Beard. No one wants to hear more about that. And by no one, I mean LB. But before I move on from the unemployment/furniture moving chapter of my life, I want to remember a couple of my favorite coworkers at the furniture company.

Burt. I called him Burt from Day 1 that I worked there. I found the last week that I worked there that Burt is his last name. Mr. Burt never called me by name, only Youngblood. Mr. Burt is 66yrs old, but has over 100yrs worth of stories. The very first delivery I went on with Mr. Burt was late into the day. So when we were done, Laura Beth met us and Mr. Burt dropped me off. On the way to meet her, Mr Burt asked: “What do you know about marriage, Youngblood?” “Been married 5yrs.” “Well, that’s long enough to get a headache or two.” “What do you know about marriage, Mr. Burt?” “I know I was crazy enough to do it twice. I didn’t get married the first time until I was 40. I stayed married about 15, 20yrs. Stayed single a few years. Then got married to my next door neighbor so you know I was crazy. She could cook though. Probably too good, she’s pushing 300 these days. Been married to her for another, I don’t know, 10 or 15yrs.” “Mr. Burt, that makes you like 90yrs old?” “Feels like it.”

Cory. A 21yr old semipro football player. I call him my black friend. He calls me racist. I kid. But Cory and I joked with each other about racial stereotypes all the time. We both tell each other Chris Rock jokes over and over again like the other has never heard them. We began using each other as a resource into the other’s culture. For example, I asked him things like why is there always a pair of shoes slung over a power line in black communities and he asked me why white churches get to only last for an hour. If I hadn’t gotten the new job and we were able to ride around in the delivery truck together for another month or two, I’m pretty sure we’d have invented world peace.

Who is your favorite ex coworker?

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote

Michael: How come Chris Rock can do a routine and everybody finds it hilarious and ground-breaking and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to Corporate? Is it because I'm white and Chris is black?