The Greatest Bumper Sticker in All the Land

Nothing motivates a dad like a child yelling from the back seat, “I can’t hold it!”

We were driving back from Alabama yesterday and that was the scene in our car. Ada pleading with us, begging that we not “make her go teetee in the carseat.” It was very intense.

We were on two laned back roads and there wasn’t a gas station in sight. I was making driving maneuvers that would make Burt Reynolds from Smokey and the Bandit proud. Then suddenly a dump truck pulled in front of me from out of no where. And even worse, DOUBLE YELLOW LINES.

Thanks to those double yellow lines, I spent enough time behind that dump truck to notice that it had the all powerful bumper sticker I noticed on the way back from our last beach trip. If you haven't figured it out yet, all of this was just an introduction so I could repost that post. That is why all of this is italicized.

I know you can't see it, but I promise this is what it says. Left sticker reads: Warning - Stay back 100ft. And the right sticker: Vehicle not responsible for items thrown from it.

So while driving back from the beach I saw a dump truck that had a bumper sticker on it that read more like a warning label: Stay back 100ft. Vehicle is not responsible for objects thrown from it. When I first read it, I became instantly jealous. I wish I had a bumper sticker like that to put on my car. I would have tried to sneak up and take that one, but I was scared the vehicle would throw something at me. Also, I am a law abiding citizen and the sticker clearly instructed me to stay back, so I did, which angered all the drivers behind me because I wasn’t passing this slow moving dump truck and traffic was really backing up on that two lane road, but no matter how mad they got I couldn’t figure out how to pass the truck without getting within 100 feet of it. Luckily, the dump truck finally turned onto another road so I was finally able to go. After it traveled 100 feet down that road, of course.

I began thinking about how great a bumper sticker that alleviated you from all legal responsibility was. Yes, you could have someone stand in the back of the truck and pitch old furniture at on coming traffic then when someone got angry and confronted you, you could just point to your all powerful warning label bumper sticker and be like “Did you see the sign? This is your fault.” But I don’t think I would do that, I think I would use the power of the bumper sticker for good. I think I would throw encyclopedias at passing cars. It would be a less dangerous way to improve motorists’ evasive maneuvering in preparation for jerks that did throw furniture at them. Plus it’d provide an inexpensive way for the homeless to enrich their lives through knowledge.

I can be such the philanthropist. Speaking of philanthropy, I was able to make it to a Zaxby’s for Ada to go teetee. After LB took her in, Ada got in the car and said, “Phew, I feel much better now.”

We all did.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote

Jim: OK, here we go... Digest of business terms, CliffsNotes on business economics, and a sales encyclopedia.
Michael: Wow! That's a lot of books, do you have, umm, one book that sums up all of these.
Jim: Those are the books that sum up the other books.
Michael: So no?