I have to clear my conscience.

I lied to twitter last week.

I told the story of the Altimater being in the shop because it wouldn’t crank. The mechanic has since been able to get it to start, it just won’t go when put in drive which as I pointed out to twitter, is pretty much the main responsibility of a car.

Anyway, I lied when I said that the Altimater was now like a giant Walkman with air conditioning that I can get inside. First of all, the air conditioner has been broken for a couple years now, so the AC part was a lie. Secondly, the CD player doesn’t work either so it is not like a Walkman at all since listening to CDs is the essence of a Walkman.

I believe it is probably more accurate to say the Altimater is like a giant boom box. So now when I get in it, I like to turn to rap music and pretend I’ve been hoisted atop some large black man’s shoulder in the middle of a basketball court enclosed in chain link fence during the filming of a late 80’s Ice Cube video. The N.W.A. Ice Cube, not the Are We There Yet? Ice Cube. Straight Outta Compton!

My usual go to station is V103 The People’s Station. Because I am people too. The only problem is now, I can't stop calling LB “shawty” and I have the strangest urge to go to Barnes and Nobel and browse the Urban Fiction section.

In conclusion, I'm sorry I lied.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote
Creed: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny, but mean.
Jim: You follow him on Twitter?
Creed: Everywhere I look its Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid that's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.