TV March Madness: Round 1 Day 1

If this is your first time hearing about this competition or you didn't see my post from 45min ago, click here. Otherwise, let the games begin.

Round 1 Matchup 1: Steve Urkel vs. Phil Dunphy

Steve Urkel - "The Snort Heard 'Round the World". That's what the Polish said about the day Steve Urkel first arrived to TV. This lovable King of Geek was not only coined the phrases "Did I do that!?, Got any cheese? I'm wearin' you down, baby! I'm wearin' you DOWWWN!!!" but is also solely responsible for the ongoing fashion trends now circulating the hipster scene a la American Apparel & Urban Outfitters. He brought us teleportation (among many other scientific accomplishments), The Urkel Dance, and the infamous Stephan Urquelle. Steve Urkel showed us that not only are nerds hysterical, smart, lovable, and ahead-of-their-time fashionable, but they actually do get the girl.

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Trendish khaki trousers...Laid-back shirt that screams "casual"...A man that has pioneered the art of "Peerenting" his children...It's Phil Dunphy - a man not afraid to be himself (unless he is being his suave alter ego Clive Bixby for a romantic tryst with his wife Claire).He is a master salesman, streetwise and deathly afraid of clowns.If it has gone wrong but somehow gone right, chances are... he did do that.





Round 1 Matchup 2: Heathcliff Huxtable vs. Barney Stinson

In the first round of any competition in the whole world, only one thing matters: supporting Historically Black Colleges through the use of sweatshirts. Only one man in the world of comedy has done this: Heathcliff Huxtable. Heathcliff Huxtable nurtured us all throughout the 80s with his strong fathership and his invention of Jell-o. Consider what you do on a typical evening with your family. Do you dance and do roundhouse kicks over the heads of your children? Do you and your children perform karaoke routines set to old jazz standards for your parents? Do you dispense hilarious yet winsome life lessons while wearing tasteful sweaters? Of course, all of us do those things nightly. Where do you think we learned these behaviors? None of us would be who we are today if not for Cliff Huxtable, so I implore you to vote for him.

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Though How I Met Your Mother may not have the same comedic cache of other shows, the character of Barney Stinson exists outside the boundary of his show. His existence has sparked the proliferation of terms like "Bro" "Legendary" and "suit up" not to mention his crusade to bring laser tag back into societal relevancy. He's even written a Bro Code Bible, which if you haven't read it, is absolutely legen - wait for it - DARY. Which should come as no surprise from a man who's sole existence is built upon womanizing but yet we still love him for it.






Round 1 Matchup 3: Homer Simpson vs. Michael Bluth

Look, nothing against Michael Bluth, an excellent straight man in one of the best shows ever to exist, but we're talking about Homer Simpson here. Homer Simpson. If Homer Simpson doesn't win this whole thing, it's a travesty. If he doesn't get past the 1st round, all of America should be ashamed of itself. The world, really. It's Homer Simpson, for the love of everything holy and precious and sacred.

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Over Arrested Development's 3 seasons, Michael Bluth successfully did something that no one else in that amazing cast was asked to do: he created a hilarious rapport with every single character on the show. From his siblings to his love interests, his parents to his son, and his lawyer to his brother-in-law, Michael Bluth was the comedy glue that made the show work so well. When you're the straight man among a cast of absurd characters no one expects you to deliver laughs, but that's exactly what he did in every episode of AD. This truly was one of the smartest comedies of the past 20 years, and no one was more responsible for that than Michael Bluth.





Round 1 Matchup 4: David Brent vs. Tracy Jordan.

You know how we all love Michael Scott and think he's one of America's best comedy characters of all time? Yeah, he's based on BBC's David Brent, branch manager for the British paper merchant Wernham Hogg. David taught us all how to love awkwardness – and embrace it. His unmatched self-righteousness stems from deep and unsettled insecurity...and so does ours. He's a renaissance man – singer, dancer, songwri-er, philosopher, comedian and friend (oh, and he wanted me to add "humanitarian").

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The best part about Tracy is that you honestly have no idea what is about to come out of his mouth. His clever and straight jacket induced sayings and one-liners are better than anything produced between 1971 and 1984. This character deserves not only your vote, but at least 3 YouTube searches, because he upped the ante from day one on 30 Rock with some of the most ridiculously funny and straight up insanely clever jokes I've ever heard. If Liz Lemon is the heart of 30 Rock, Tracy Jordan is the fists beating the crap out of everyone around him while eating a sandwich. Like Tracy once said,"What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!"