Scott vs The Sickness. Also, there is an unintentional, reoccurring theme of fire throughout this post, which is kinda awesome. Or weird? One of those

I want to tell you up front that this post may not make sense; I am pretty drugged up today. Don’t worry, though, it’s the legal ones. But, I have mixed several different kinds of the legal ones, so that may possibly be illegal? I’m pretty sure that is how meth is made. I’m no expert, but I think you buy a bunch of legal drugs like maybe Aspirin and cook it or something. From what I hear, though, you have to be pretty careful because apparently meth labs have a tendency to blow up which leads me to believe Aspirin is quite flammable? That is one of the many downfalls to meth, exploding Aspirin. But I know none of my readers will ever try to make meth. Probably. I just thought you should know in case you ever have a headache after eating Mexican food, maybe you should take something less less reactive to fumes instead. (See? I blog because I care.)

Anyway, the reason I am drugged, maybe I should say medicated? Yes, forget that whole first paragraph. The reason I’m so medicated is because I have been sick since last Wednesday. I came home from work with a 100 something fever, feeling like this.

So, LB and the kids headed out to Alabama Thursday morning, leaving me quarantined and alone ever since. Thursday, I did feel a little better. The fever was gone, I just felt very stiff, like my body was made of plywood.

I’m very thankful the fever was gone. Because plywood is flammable and it would not be fun to have a fever, be made of plywood, and to be on fire.

The frown on my face proves that it's not fun.

Friday when I woke up, the fever was still long gone, but I did still feel stiff and a cough had entered the mix. While the cough was annoying there was much less potential for a fiery death. So, I was ok with it.

Saturday all remnants of the black plague I had been fighting the last few days were gone. The only thing left was some sinus issues. I’m not sure if it was related, but I didn’t want to take a chance, so I played it safe and got plenty of rest. I was on the couch all day. I watched about 6 movies and a whole season of Arrested Development. At around 830 that night I realized the pajama pants I had been wearing all day were on backwards. In other words, it was a relatively productive day.

Sunday, I felt about the same, nothing majorly wrong, but still wasn’t feeling 100%. It was mostly still just sinus stuff, including both a clogged and simultaneously runny nostril. However, I decided that I would make the most of the day and attack the mountain of laundry that has accumulated in the house. I started about 11am and finished 7pm. Yes, that is a whole day doing laundry. But the best part is I found a match for every sock! The highlight of my “4 day weekend” from work was that I had a mate for every sock in the house. It’s ok, you can feel sorry for me, in fact I invite you to, I think I’d prefer that.

Our laundry really isn't that colorful.

I decided that I needed to do something about this, I needed to reclaim the highlight of my weekend. So, I did what anybody in this situation would do, I went to the store and bought some ice cream and pizza rolls. I got home, preheated the oven because I think a mateless sock tastes better than a pizza roll prepared in the microwave, and decided to pick a man movie to counteract all the laundry that had been done that day. I foundThe Bourne Identity. I was very excited.

I settled back in on the couch that I had probably become too familiar with over the last few days until the oven timer went off. Eventually, I had my platter of bite-sized portions of heaven in front of me and things were looking up for the first time since all those days ago when my head felt like it was on fire. Until, I took my first bite. Apparently I was little too excited because I didn’t wait long enough for the pizza rolls to cool. When my teeth clenched down on that first one, lava shot to the back of my throat and slid down into my stomach. I may have passed out. I’m not sure. The fact that I’m not sure makes me pretty sure I did. If that makes sense?

So to clarify, while watching Jason Bourne take down government trained assassins, I was subdued by a miniaturized frozen Italian dinner. The only positive I can find in this situation is that if I had gone to the emergency room, I would have had on matching socks.

I guess the moral of this post is both meth and pizza rolls are dangerous. Also, for the record, I do not think meth is funny. I blame writing about it on the drugs. The legal ones. Never mind. Just don’t do meth. And, more importantly, please eat pizza rolls responsibly.

Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote:

Michael: Dude, where's my office? I totally lost it! Cause I was half-baked, smoking doobies. Doobie Brothers, I was smoking doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest

A disclaimer and the beginning of a revolution.

At some point after my last post, LB said to me: “You never put up normal pictures of John and Ada.” This is true, but there are reasons. 1) I don’t have pictures on my laptop, so I have to copy them whenever LB posts them. Then I can’t just go and post the exact same pictures she does, that would be boring and I’m pretty sure that is called plagiarism which is intensely frowned upon by the writing community and illegal. It’s like LB wants me to get arrested. I don’t think she understands that she doesn’t get the life insurance money if I only go to prison. So, anyway, I have to change the pictures to keep from being redundant and to avoid lengthy stays in federal penitentiaries. 2) This is The Moore You Know, where I am committed to bringing you new information every time you visit and I bet you didn’t know Ada had a gun that shot rainbows until that last post, so… mission accomplished.

Also, I was hanging out with a buddy a while back and he said, “Blogs are a stupid waste of time.” My rebuttal, “Your face is a stupid waste of time.” Because I am always composed. And plus, I like blogs. I don’t know why I told you this. I guess I wanted to take my support for blogs public. There should be one of those ribbons like the yellow “Support our troops” or the pink “Save the ta-ta’s”. Actually, blogs need a ribbon more than those causes because you can support troops and save ta-ta’s by blogging. I’m going to make some:

Feel free to print any of or all four off, laminate, and duct tape it to the bumper of your care. We have to raise awareness. To everything.

Also, There is no particular reason I chose green, other than the fact that this movement is going to be money, so, if there is another cause out there with green ribbons, follow these simple instructions: 1) right click on the image and copy 2) open MS Paint 3) right click and paste 4) choose the auto color fill option 5) choose any other color that some other cause has not already called dibs on 6) scroll to any part of the green section 7) finally, left click. See, this is a peaceful movement and we don't want to cause trouble by stealing someone's colored ribbon. We are flexible, but make no mistake, we have rainbow shooting guns and we will use them. Now, let the revolution begin.

Power to the people.

Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote:

Dwight: No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself.

These Days

There are a lot of things bouncing around in my head to post about right now. Like how I am almost certain my Christmas beard possessed wizardry type powers or what Purell hand sanitizer and God have in common. And all of that will come soon, but right now, it’s just too hard to post anything. Look at LB’s blog for proof. She used to post about 87 times a week, these days it’s dropped to like 3. Apply that same rate of decrease to me and I’ll be lucky to ever post anything again.

John’s arrival has rocked our little complacent world. We love him though. Most of the time. But to be roughly the same size as a loaf of bread, he has majorly altered our schedule. Bath time/bed time has now morphed into about a 2.5 hour event each night, which ironically is also about the same amount of time LB gets to sleep every night. For now, I am still getting a full nights rest and it will probably stay that way unless we have to switch to formula. Or, my body starts producing breast milk. Either one of those would be unfortunate for John. And me.

Despite my full nights sleep, things don’t get settled down until about 10:30ish, so by then I just want to relax and don’t feel like posting anything. Mainly I just want to go to bed. Hopefully, things will calm down soon. Until then, I thought I’d show you a picture of our lovely children.

Don't worry, we didn't allow Ada to get a real gun. At least not until she gives up the pacifier. This one only shoots rainbows. John's guns, however are 100% real. So real, it hurts. That's why he is crying.

Archived Post Relevant 'The Office' Quote:

Michael: If you are lying to me, right now, Pam you baby is going to come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit through the breast milk.

Pam: Please don't talk about my breast milk.

I do not support Miley Montanna

This is solely for Hurley. Because he can move his hips like yeah.

Also, I am by myself this week. LB went back to Alabama to get a little help from her mom. She and our little crew left on Sunday, so its been several nights now. I always enjoy the first few nights of being by myself, but it's always about this point I start missing everybody. So, I started going through some pictures of when John was born.

In clicking through all the pictures, I think I found two pictures that pretty much sum up LB's and my relationship. Here is the first. I have more than likely just said something witty or otherwise hilarious and LB looks at me like this:
She’ll usually follow the look with a comment like “You are so weird.” or just say “Why?” or something like that. But then, 2 seconds later:

She can't resist. She tries to ignore my comedic geniusness, but she can’t keep a straight face. After she gets done laughing, she usually completes it with “I don’t even know why I am laughing.” But deep down, she knows why.

LB, I'm not sure if you would, but please don't be mad at me for posting these. I think you are adorable. And not even "just had a baby 26hrs ago adorable", but the for real kind of adorable. If you really don't like them, I suppose I could recreate them in MS Paint. But not tonight, it's going on 11 and I have to go to bed.

Archived Post Relevant 'The Office' Quote:

Kelly: Wait, Ryan, you're not mean. You're adorable. I'm so sorry. I got you a present, too. But then when I got to work, I didn't see anything on my desk from you, so I threw it away. And then Asuncion took the trash out, that's why I think it's in the dumpster. I'm so sorry. I'm the worst.

What happens when I’m at the hospital for 6 consecutive days.

I last posted 2wks ago today. Some might think it is because we have a newborn, but that doesn’t really affect me that much. LB is the one having to get up every two hours every night, not me. So, really, I haven’t posted because I am a terrible blogger and a terrible dad. Also, if I don’t post something soon I’m going to slip into one of my dreaded blog droughts. I actually started this one a few weeks ago during our last visit to the hospital. When we got there, we found out John was finally going to get to come home. So I blamed not posting this one on being excited about John coming home and posting about that instead. After reading back through this, I think it is pretty obvious that I was really just second guessing myself. But the more I think about it, I second guess everything I post…why should this one get special treatment and not be published? It shouldn’t, that’s why.

So, here you go, a random grouping of 6 days worth of my sleep-depraved-over-caffeinated-worrying-about-my-newborn-son-in-the-NICU thoughts. Please don’t judge me, internet.

-People who litter using Chick-fil-a wrappers should feel extra ashamed of themselves.

-I wish doctors would have put more thought into naming pregnancy terms. Naming something a mucus plug is ok, since mucus is already gross, but I will never feel the same about fresh fruit after continually hearing about how “ripe” or "soft"LB was.

-John’s NICU neighbor’s name is Roger. Roger doesn’t seem like a very fitting name for a baby. I don't have a problem with the name Roger itself, so I mean no offense to anyone named Roger that may be reading this. Because if you can read this, then you are probably old enough to go by Roger and it not be weird. To be honest, I can’t really put a definite age on when it is acceptable for a person to go by Roger. I just know it felt weird to look down at a newborn baby and say “Hey there, Roger.” I think this same rule also applies to the name Fred. And Gerald.

-The hospital gave us a bunch of free diapers and such when John was born. I remembered that they did this from when Ada was born. This is why I argued to LB that we should register for an Xbox 360 for our baby showers. She didn’t listen and now we have unused packs of newborn diapers that John has already outgrown and no Xbox 360. Let this be a lesson to you future parents out there: Register in the electronic section at Target.

- If I owned a mattress delivery company, our slogan would be “Delivering dreams everyday.”

-There are a lot people sitting and waiting for long periods of time at the hospital. I think businesses should utilize this by opening up different stores in the parking decks. For example, both of our vehicles need an oil change, if there was auto shop there in the parking deck, I could drop my car off, then go hang out with John and Roger and then when it was time to go home, the car would be good to go. A barber shop would also be nice. In this scenario everyone wins. Except for maybe someone who can’t find a parking spot because of the now more crowded parking deck. But then, they could just take their car in for a free check up. This solves their parking situation and warns them if they are low on transmission fluid. This is like a win-win-win-win and may be the greatest idea I have ever had. Or, I am just sleepy. But it is definitely one of those.

-I’ve recently noticed that I sometimes confuse the words womb and wound. I don't know why, they are not interchangeable at all.

-Some of the most awkward moments in my life have been experienced while on an elevator. Like the smell everyone smells, but no one acknowledges. Or, when the elevator is full and the doors open up to let someone on but there is no room for them. Their elevator finally arrives, the door opens, and then they are brick walled by people. I’ve noticed a few different reactions to this phenomenon. 1) Acceptance – The door opens, they peer inside instantly evaluating the situation, and then step back to let the doors close and await the next elevator. 2) Displeasure – Seemingly cordial, yet disgruntled on the inside. They smile, but it’s a half smile full of discontentment and give a head nod that is to say “It’s ok. It’s not your fault. Well, it is partially that 350lb man in the back right corner taking up the space of 3 people’s fault.” 3) Determined – Doesn’t take no for an answer. He’s been waiting on the elevator and he is getting on THIS elevator. He will shove his way through so everyone's bodies are touching in uncomfortable ways or he will sit in the grandma in the wheelchair with an oxygen tank’s lap if he has to. There is no shame in his game.

-There are a lot of babies here. I don’t know the exact ratio of famous people to regular people, but I am willing to bet there is a pretty good chance that one of these babies will be famous someday. It really bothers me that I don’t know which one of them it will be. It’s like I am wasting a great money making opportunity here. If I just knew which one(s) it would be, I could get their footprint, have them autograph it when they learn to write, and then sell it on ebay. Unfortunately, I’ll never know. Unless it’s John, which would be awesome. As long as John was famous for something like usurping Tim Tebow as the greatest college football player of all time, only without the elongated throwing mechanics and not famous for something like being the competitive corndog eating champion. Unless you get free corndogs for being the champ, then that would be kind of awesome, too. Are competitive corndog eating champions considered famous? Or, are they more or less just referred to as renowned members of society? It doesn’t matter, what we have learned here is, only good things happen when you are famous. Like being drafted higher than Tim Tebow or getting free corndogs. Man, one of these babies is going to be so lucky.

I want to note that while it is no Xbox 360, LB and I are very thankful for everyone who got us diapers. We still haven't had to buy a pack and it doesn't look like we will for a long time. Maybe with the money we save on not buying diapers, we can save up for an Xbox 360. Then, it will be just like you did get us one.

I should also note that a few days after I originally wrote this, we found out that John’s NICU neighbor’s name was actually Roderick. So, my bad Roger. I mean Roderick. Chances are you will never read this, but I just wanted to apologize. In case you become famous. Don’t forget the little people, Roger. I mean Roderick. We like corndogs, too.

Archived Post Relevant 'The Office' Quote:

Dwight: When a baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher could ever copy.