RIP, Tire.

I know it’s been over a week since I last posted anything. There are several reasons why it has taken me so long, mainly being busy at work and traveling for Thanksgiving. Don’t worry though, I am not dead. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my front passenger-side tire.


It was the Friday before Halloween. We were having a party at work and I was in charge of bringing something, which I remembered on Thursday night that I had forgotten. I decided I was going to get up a little early and run to Publix before work the next morning. Of course I woke up 20min late so in a panic I got ready and rushed out the door.

It was 6:15 in the morning, cold, and still dark outside. But I was going to be at work on time and I was going to have contribution for the party. I had beaten a lot of traffic and was making good time, but as soon as I pulled out onto the interstate I heard a loud explosion. I thought terrorists had mounted an attack on the Altimater when one of my tires suddenly had a blow out. After some impressive 3-wheeled evasive maneuvering, I got to the shoulder of the road. I got out to inspect the damage and saw that the front passenger side tire was completely gone. I walked back to pop the trunk and quickly realized that I never put the jack back in there after the last time I changed the oil.

It then came to my attention that in my panic to get out of the door, I had left in such a hurry the only thing I had in my pockets were my keys. No wallet. No phone. So, I just started walking. It was dark and it was cold and there were times that I tried making myself smile, not to bring levity to the situation, but to try and regain feeling in my face. On the plus side, this marked the first time I had ever gotten to see the sunrise as I walked to work. I thought that this must be what the pioneers felt like expect only with less vehicles whizzing by going 70+mph and more oxen.

After 45min of walking a cop pulled to the side of the road a good ways ahead of me. He got out of his car and approached me with one hand touching his still holstered gun and the other hand on the CB microphone attached to his shoulder, as if he were calling in for backup. He must have heard about the terrorist attack. He stopped walking and let me cover the remaining distance between us. I did so with both hands raised. He looked at me unamused. He asked, “Everything alright, son?” I explained to him the situation, about how I had had a flat and didn't have a jack and how I didn’t have a wallet or a phone. Then he asked me for my license. I tried to explain it to him again how I had left everything at home (no wallet = no license) without sounding smart alecy. He looked at me unamused.

He said that he had a jack and would help me but asked me to first write my name and birthday down on a notepad and to go ahead and get into the back of the police car. Have you ever ridden in the back of a police car? There is absolutely no leg room. I made the mistake of getting in with my feet crossed (not legs crossed like with one foot sitting atop the other knee, but with one leg crisscrossed behind the other) and could not uncross them. I tried the whole way he was taking me to my car. It wasn’t happening.

Apparently he had called in my information because when we arrived at my car he turned around and said, “You’re clean. I’ll have to come around and let you out.” He opened the door but because my feet were still crossed I couldn’t get out. And I was really struggling to squeeze out of there, I felt like a baby giraffe emerging from the womb. I finally freed myself but as I did my left shoe went flying off and landed in the middle of the interstate. The officer flagged traffic and I, with only one shoe and one sock, ran into the middle of the road to retrieve my escaped shoe.

After I had both shoes back on, the officer got his jack out for me and watched me as I changed my tire. As I put the donut on I made some witty joke about him not eating it. He looked at me unamused. I got the spare on and was off to work, only 1.5hr late.

I guess the best thing that came out of the situation was the adventurous part of me I talked about here not only got to witness a tire explosion, but be a part of one. It wasn't the experience I thought it would be.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote.

Michael: Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you?
Kevin: My tire blew out on the way here, Michael.
Michael: Huh?
Kevin: I almost died. I... I went into this skid---
Michael: Pop quiz. Kevin: ...What?
Michael: Why is today a special day?
Kevin: I almost died.
Michael: Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you...
Ryan: You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class.
Michael: In business school, Kevin. Business school.
Kevin: Wow.