Updates. Warning: This post probably isn’t funny, but does contain excuses for why it’s not.

1. I had gotten somewhat consistent with posting there for a while, but recently things have fallen apart. I will try to get this train wreck I call a blog back on track soon. My new goal is to post at least twice a week. I know everyone is excited. Or couldn’t care less. One of those.

2. One thing that’s knocked me off the tracks is John. We’ve had to take him to a doctor, including a cardiologist and a neurologist, for about three weeks in a row now and there still more visits to come. All of this is because John sometimes gets so angry he stops breathing until his face turns blue. I’m not really worried about it though, I think he’s just working on his Super Breath again since things went so badly the first time.

3. We’ve also been pretty busy lately. Ada turned 3 this past Thursday. Also, I turned 29, but that is irrelevant. My birthday is rarely acknowledged anymore since Ada was born on the same day. In fact, I think legally I am still 26. While this is helpful for maintaining my youthful exuberance, it makes it somewhat impossible for me to reach the minimum age requirement to run for the presidency of the United States. These are the types of trade offs you make when you bring a child into this world. I’m ok with it.

4. Ada’s friend Hannah gave her the board game Candyland as a birthday gift. So far, I am undefeated and have introduced Ada to the concept of trash talk.

5. Ada had her Scottsboro cousins visiting last week for her birthday. While they were here, my 5yr old niece, Ellie, told me I had a “handsome voice.” That made me feel good inside. Mostly because a lot of times when going through drive-thrus I get referred to as “ma’am.” This also introduced a new arch nemesis in my life because Ellie has been known to refer to David Hasselhoff as handsome as well. Maybe Hasselhoff and I will engage in some sort of no holds barred Candyland competition.

6. For my birthday, LB bought me a book about writing comedy. I’m not sure if that was an act of affection or if she finally realized that I’m not going to quit embarrassing myself so she decided to get me professional help.

7. True story. Last week LB received an invitation in the mail to participate in the Miss Teen USA pageant. I’m sure there are probably teenagers out there that have been married for four years and have two children, just not at this address. Also, there was a Frequently Asked Questions sections. The first one went basically like this:

Q: Do I have to have talent to compete in the pageant?

A: No.

LB seems to meet that and most of the other requirements, excluding the whole “teen” thing, so I decided I would fill out the registration card and send it in for her. LB’s birthday is tomorrow, so I thought it would be a thoughtful, unique birthday present. And if they reject her because of her age I figure that is ageism and we can win a lawsuit out of it, so it is really a win-win.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote:

Michael: I am sort of a student of comedy.