5 Things wrong with the Altimater

Look! It’s the Friday Fives on a Monday. I like to keep you guessing so you never know what to expect when you come here. Or, I am a terrible blogger. Probably the last one. But today’s post is a surprise, kind of like when you're eating Burger King fries and you reach in and find one of those mini Burger King onion rings in the fry box. Jackpot! Unless you don’t like onion rings, then today’s post is more like finding salmonella in your eggs. I hope my blog doesn’t give you salmonella. I’m sorry.

One day a few weeks ago I was driving to work and topped a hill. When I did the sun was staring me in the face. I reached for my sunglasses that I keep in the convenient overhead sunglass storage compartment. As I pressed the button for it to open, the whole door fell off into the floorboard. Now, my overhead sunglass storage compartment doesn’t have a door, but I do have much easier access to my sunglasses. Not only did this event make me question the concept of doors in general, it was the inspiration for today’s fives.

5 Things Wrong with the Altimater:

1. No AC. – It’s true, I drive a car that doesn’t have air conditioning. It went out sometime last year. It gets pretty hot at times right now, but come winter I won’t even miss it. I consider this my way of going green. Although I’m not sure if not using AC actually helps the environment. But it does make me look like I rode my bike to work.

2. No driver’s side mirror. – I don't really know how to explain this other than to just say it: I knocked the driver's side mirror off with our rolling garbage can. My bad. It's just, I got home from work one day, went to get the can from the curb and looked up and saw this:


Ada was waiting for me. It made me so happy to see her so enthusiastic about me getting home I completely forgot that I was dragging the garbage can behind me. Until there was a sudden loud something is now broken noise. I looked back and there was the side mirror, dangling half way down the side of the car by a single wire. I was just going to rip the thing on on off, but then I thought that it might be illegal not to have one. So now it is attached to the side of the car with clear packaging tape and fond memories. And surprisingly enough, both hold up pretty well in the rain.

3. Two hubcaps. – I was stuck in traffic one day. The kind of traffic where you sit still for about two minutes then everybody moves up about fifteen feet then stops again. Well, one time when I stopped, the front driver’s side hubcap kept going. I watched it roll away. It rolled for a long time. I was both proud and disappointed at the same time. I planned to stop the car to get out and get it when I got close to it, but it eventually rolled underneath an 18-wheeler and never came out the other side. Sad. A few weeks later, I noticed the front passenger side hubcap was missing as well. I didn’t see it leave, but can only assume it was suffering through so much grief from his buddy leaving that he simply couldn’t take it any more, kind of like those old married couples where one spouse dies and then the other doesn’t last too long afterward. My hubcaps may be the basis for the next Nicholas Sparks book.

4. It break dances. I think it is starting to do this again. Taylor. Joey. Expect to hear from me soon.

5. Backglass Tint. The Altimater only has tint on the back glass. It’s weird. All the front and side windows are tintless, yet the tint on the back window is so dark it’s like a limousine. I think this means I drive the world’s only vehicular equivalent of a mullet.

If there is something wrong with your ride, feel free to share. Misery loves company. And I love finding rogue onion rings in my fries. We can discuss either.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote:

Jim: I started biking into work. Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape... helps the environment. And now I know it makes me really sweaty for work.