5 Random ways people have gotten here. Plus, I wrote a guest post.

Dear regular readers,
I wrote a guest post for Tyler Stanton today. It’s about where grown men should buy their underwear. Sort of. You can go see it here. Also, I know last week I said I was going to start doing the fives on Friday from now on, but I had a talk with Alliteration and he said it was ok. As always, thank all of you for your continued patronage, all twelve of you.

Dear Tyler’s regular readers,
Thanks for coming by. Check out my Monster Ballads section, it’s the equivalent to Tyler’s Essentials, except with more acoustic guitar. Since we all know how you got here, I thought it would be fun to see a few of the more random ways other people have gotten here, courtesy of Google Analytics.

1. Search term: “Can you go outside in your yard when on house arrest?”
-My best guess as to why that search brought them here: House Arrest.
-My response to the search term: Probably depends on the size of your house. I think house arrests work by using ankle bracelets with homing devices in them. They alert the policemen if you breech the certain pre-assigned radius given to you by the courts. Therefore the smaller your house, the more of your yard you are able to enjoy. This is all speculation.

2. Search Term: “Africans don’t grow beards.”
-My best guess as to why that search brought them here: The Christmas Beard.
-My response to the search term: If this is true, it’s probably because it is hot in Africa and when its hot a beard can sometimes feel like you are wearing Uncle Eddie's dickie on your chin.

3. Search Term: “Scott Moore and second pregnant man”
-My best guess as to why that search brought them here: Ice Road Truckers Don’t Have Anything on Me. Plus the misfortune of having the same name as the world’s second pregnant “man”. Google at your own risk.
-My response to the search term: Despite having the body type of a lady in the 2nd trimester, I am not actually pregnant.

4. Search Term: “I like to grow my beard out around Christmas, you know go to the mall dressed as Jesus.”
-My best guess as to why that search brought them here: The Christmas Beard: An Update
-My response to the search term: I am all for sporting the Christmas beard, but there are certain responsibilities that come with it and impersonating our Savior is not one them. Should you abuse the power of the Christmas beard, you will be sent to Africa where they don’t grow beards. Apparently.

5. Search Term: “Daddy, i know you are in heaven, so can you help me with mom using drugs?”
-My best guess as to why that search brought them here: Scott vs The Sickness
-My response to the search term: No comment.

The Archived Post Relevant The Office Quote:
Michael: You know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.