What happens when I’m at the hospital for 6 consecutive days.

I last posted 2wks ago today. Some might think it is because we have a newborn, but that doesn’t really affect me that much. LB is the one having to get up every two hours every night, not me. So, really, I haven’t posted because I am a terrible blogger and a terrible dad. Also, if I don’t post something soon I’m going to slip into one of my dreaded blog droughts. I actually started this one a few weeks ago during our last visit to the hospital. When we got there, we found out John was finally going to get to come home. So I blamed not posting this one on being excited about John coming home and posting about that instead. After reading back through this, I think it is pretty obvious that I was really just second guessing myself. But the more I think about it, I second guess everything I post…why should this one get special treatment and not be published? It shouldn’t, that’s why.

So, here you go, a random grouping of 6 days worth of my sleep-depraved-over-caffeinated-worrying-about-my-newborn-son-in-the-NICU thoughts. Please don’t judge me, internet.

-People who litter using Chick-fil-a wrappers should feel extra ashamed of themselves.

-I wish doctors would have put more thought into naming pregnancy terms. Naming something a mucus plug is ok, since mucus is already gross, but I will never feel the same about fresh fruit after continually hearing about how “ripe” or "soft"LB was.

-John’s NICU neighbor’s name is Roger. Roger doesn’t seem like a very fitting name for a baby. I don't have a problem with the name Roger itself, so I mean no offense to anyone named Roger that may be reading this. Because if you can read this, then you are probably old enough to go by Roger and it not be weird. To be honest, I can’t really put a definite age on when it is acceptable for a person to go by Roger. I just know it felt weird to look down at a newborn baby and say “Hey there, Roger.” I think this same rule also applies to the name Fred. And Gerald.

-The hospital gave us a bunch of free diapers and such when John was born. I remembered that they did this from when Ada was born. This is why I argued to LB that we should register for an Xbox 360 for our baby showers. She didn’t listen and now we have unused packs of newborn diapers that John has already outgrown and no Xbox 360. Let this be a lesson to you future parents out there: Register in the electronic section at Target.

- If I owned a mattress delivery company, our slogan would be “Delivering dreams everyday.”

-There are a lot people sitting and waiting for long periods of time at the hospital. I think businesses should utilize this by opening up different stores in the parking decks. For example, both of our vehicles need an oil change, if there was auto shop there in the parking deck, I could drop my car off, then go hang out with John and Roger and then when it was time to go home, the car would be good to go. A barber shop would also be nice. In this scenario everyone wins. Except for maybe someone who can’t find a parking spot because of the now more crowded parking deck. But then, they could just take their car in for a free check up. This solves their parking situation and warns them if they are low on transmission fluid. This is like a win-win-win-win and may be the greatest idea I have ever had. Or, I am just sleepy. But it is definitely one of those.

-I’ve recently noticed that I sometimes confuse the words womb and wound. I don't know why, they are not interchangeable at all.

-Some of the most awkward moments in my life have been experienced while on an elevator. Like the smell everyone smells, but no one acknowledges. Or, when the elevator is full and the doors open up to let someone on but there is no room for them. Their elevator finally arrives, the door opens, and then they are brick walled by people. I’ve noticed a few different reactions to this phenomenon. 1) Acceptance – The door opens, they peer inside instantly evaluating the situation, and then step back to let the doors close and await the next elevator. 2) Displeasure – Seemingly cordial, yet disgruntled on the inside. They smile, but it’s a half smile full of discontentment and give a head nod that is to say “It’s ok. It’s not your fault. Well, it is partially that 350lb man in the back right corner taking up the space of 3 people’s fault.” 3) Determined – Doesn’t take no for an answer. He’s been waiting on the elevator and he is getting on THIS elevator. He will shove his way through so everyone's bodies are touching in uncomfortable ways or he will sit in the grandma in the wheelchair with an oxygen tank’s lap if he has to. There is no shame in his game.

-There are a lot of babies here. I don’t know the exact ratio of famous people to regular people, but I am willing to bet there is a pretty good chance that one of these babies will be famous someday. It really bothers me that I don’t know which one of them it will be. It’s like I am wasting a great money making opportunity here. If I just knew which one(s) it would be, I could get their footprint, have them autograph it when they learn to write, and then sell it on ebay. Unfortunately, I’ll never know. Unless it’s John, which would be awesome. As long as John was famous for something like usurping Tim Tebow as the greatest college football player of all time, only without the elongated throwing mechanics and not famous for something like being the competitive corndog eating champion. Unless you get free corndogs for being the champ, then that would be kind of awesome, too. Are competitive corndog eating champions considered famous? Or, are they more or less just referred to as renowned members of society? It doesn’t matter, what we have learned here is, only good things happen when you are famous. Like being drafted higher than Tim Tebow or getting free corndogs. Man, one of these babies is going to be so lucky.

I want to note that while it is no Xbox 360, LB and I are very thankful for everyone who got us diapers. We still haven't had to buy a pack and it doesn't look like we will for a long time. Maybe with the money we save on not buying diapers, we can save up for an Xbox 360. Then, it will be just like you did get us one.

I should also note that a few days after I originally wrote this, we found out that John’s NICU neighbor’s name was actually Roderick. So, my bad Roger. I mean Roderick. Chances are you will never read this, but I just wanted to apologize. In case you become famous. Don’t forget the little people, Roger. I mean Roderick. We like corndogs, too.

Archived Post Relevant 'The Office' Quote:

Dwight: When a baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher could ever copy.