UPDATED: The LOSTies Order a Pizza

LOST is back on February 2. I’m pretty excited. In honor of this final, what is sure to be glorious, season, I decided to do a LOST post. This is the characters of LOST decision making process when ordering a pizza. If you don’t watch lost (and how unfortunate for you) just skip this whole post.

Kate:
1) Look up the number for Pizza Hut.
2) Then look up the number for Dominoes.
3) Decide to go back to Pizza Hut.
4) Then back to Dominoes.
5) Back to Pizza Hut.
6) Dominoes.

Sayid:
1) Construct a phone from the remains of a coconut and the inner workings of Jin’s gold watch.
2) Call to inquire about any specials (reluctantly interrogate/torture pizza place employee for best deal if it means helping friends in the end.)
3) Sport black tank top and dark flowing locks.

Hurley:

1) Call around to find out which pizza place has the longest buffet hours.
2) Go there.

Jack:
1) For no reason at all, pizza place employees seem to consult you before every decision.
2) Scream violently at all employees and decide to make the pizza yourself.
3) Do not slice the pizza because “We live together, die alone.”
4) Eat it resentfully while scowling and contemplating the next move to get out of the pizza place.

Boone:
1) Because there are no readily available utensils, have Jack slice your pizza by slamming it in the oven door.

Ben:
1) Eat another character’s pizza.
2) Finagle them into believing they actually ordered the pizza for you.
3) Persuade them that if they order you another pizza, you will tell them everything you know.
4) Stare at them all bug-eyed and smile coyly out of the side of your mouth when they are not looking.

Sawyer:
1) Stop reading whatever classic novel that you’ve happened to run upon across.
2) Fervently demand to anyone in a close range proximity that “You don’t need no pizza!”
3) Secretly order pizza to keep for yourself, and while talking to pizza place employee on the phone call them several witty nicknames that you seemingly make up on the fly.

Jin:
1) Call pizza place and speak Korean words.
2) Become incredibly frustrated, and still away to catch your own pizza for you and your spouse.
3) Call back a few weeks later and order a pizza in perfect English.

Locke:
1) Angrily hang up on pizza place because they said you can’t get stuffed crust on a personal pan pizza and “No one tells you what you can’t do!”
2) Sit at home and BELIEVE that a pizza will appear on the table on its own.
3) Give up, lose all faith and put a frozen pizza in the oven.
4) Come to realize that the frozen pizza wanted you to put it the oven the whole time and was merely using you as a pawn.
5) Blow up everyone else’s ovens because you know they will suffer the same fate.

Desmond:
1) Unbutton your shirt about halfway down.
2) Refer to your pizza as “brotha”.

Michael:
1) Go to Papa John’s and ask if any has seen Walt!!
2) Go to Little Caesar’s and ask if anyone has seen Waalt!!!
3) Go into the parking lot look up toward the sky with outstretched arms and scream Waaaaaaalt!!!!
4) Find Walt eating pizza with John Locke and tell him to never eat pizza with John Locke again.

Charlie:
1) Tape all your knuckles and write “Hot Pizza” in black sharpie across them.
2) Give Claire and empty pizza box containing an imaginary pizza, then serenade her with “You All Everybody”
3) See that your friends have called what they thought was a pizza place but in reality it was not a pizza place at all. It was actually an ocean liner full of contracted military personnel determined to kill everyone, so as an ultimate sacrifice you somehow lock yourself in a room filled with water, effectively drowning yourself, to save everyone and with your last gasps of breath you scribble onto the palm of your hand “Not the pizza place” which confuses everyone because they don’t know exactly what you meant by that and when there’s a large group of people gathered there are bound to be several differing opinions on the message you were trying to convey. Unfortunately, in the end, this selfless act fails to keep the malicious pizza delivery guys with machine guns away from your friends. Sad.


Also, I made a cartoon:
(Click to enlarge)
I know this isn't funny, but it took about 30min of my lunch break to make so I 'm posting it anyway.

AN UPDATE. For BowenOwens:
(Click to enlarge)
See what happens when you leave comments? Now, I expect to either start getting a ton of comments or never get one again. We'll see.

9 comments:

Amanda said...

This is good but you forgot the most important character...Vincent. Walt's dog.

Milla said...

This is hilarious. How do you come up with this stuff? I especially love Jin's!

Bull said...

I'm kind of hoping we find out that the whole show was nothing but a dream that Vincent was having.

LB said...

Like the post, as you know, but what I really want to say is that I opened your blog, and Ada pointed to the picture at the top, and said, "is that daddy?" Did you tell her that it was you?

The Glovers said...

GREAT post! Ya'll watching the premiere live or on TIVO?

Katie B said...

you are so clever and hilarious... love it and can't wait for LOOSSTT!!! oh, and so excited about your soon to be born little JT ;)

scott said...

Thanks to everyone for the kind words.

BowenOwens, I updated the post for you.

Glover, I'm assuming it all depends on when the little man decides to make his appearance.

Katie B, Thanks, I don't get called clever everyday. Or any day really, so thank you. I'm pretty excited about John's arrival too. Almost as excited as I am for LOST to come back on.

Calis said...

i tried to enlarge the second cartoon with Vincent but couldn't make it bigger so I have no idea what it says, but I'm sure it was funny. Could you try to repost it? My husband and I LOVE LOST! :o)

Sunk Costs said...

Bahahahahahaha. Not the pizza place.