Confessions

I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I love parody songs. The good ones crack me up. After I've heard one, then hear the real song on the radio, I always sing along using the "fake lyrics." I sing along in my head, of course because I don't want to bother anyone around me. But then, I start laughing and whoever I'm with asks me what I'm laughing about, I say "Nothing", then they are like "Just tell me", so I finally give in, then they get mad at me for forever ruining that particular song for them, even though I tried to warn them. So basically parody songs make my life more complicated and ruin friendships, but I still really enjoy them.
All that to say, I’ve written my first parody song. Hopefully, it won’t cause as much damage in your life as you can see others have caused in mine. Its inspiration came about last night when Ada started crying while the shampoo was being rinsed out of her hair and I realized I was too scared to try the shampoo on myself to see if in fact the “No More Tears” claim was true. It is set to the tune of Usher’s Confessions Part II. You can see those lyrics here, but I do not endorse the song’s original content. I’m a Presbyterian, so I like to think this is the reformed version of the song:

[Chorus]

These are my confessions

Just when I thought the day was finalized

My kid in the tub said she got shampoo in her eyes

These are my confessions

Man I'm grown and I don’t know what to do

I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions

If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all

Dang near cried when I saw her begin to bawl.

I'm so gone and I don't know what to do

But to give you part 2 of my confessions

[Verse 1]

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do

Got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' tell you

'bout that shampoo on part 1 I told ya'll I was latherin' with, latherin' with
Ada’s said “oww” for 3 months now and she’s no longer takin’ it

The first thing that came to mind was ‘what would LB do’

Second thing was how do I know if No Tears is true?

Third thing was me wishin' that I never did what I did

How I ain't ready to try it myself and bye bye to my eyelids

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]

Sitting here stuck on stupid tryna figure out

When, what, and how I'mma let this come out of my mouth

Said it ain't gon' be easy

But I need to stop thinkin', contemplatin'

Be a man and get it over with (over with)

I'm runnin' in my Nike’s

Racin' to the closet

Talkin' to myself

Preparin' to wash her face

I get her out of the bath and she can’t even see me

I said “one second baby please let me rinse thee”

[Chorus]

[Breakdown]

This by far is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do

To tell you, the daughter I love
That I’m too scared to try the baby shampoo I use on you

I hope you can accept the fact that I'm man enough to tell you this

And hopefully you'll give me another chance

This ain't about my career

This ain't about my life

It's about us

Please

[Chorus]

This is what I do during lunch. . .

PS: This week's The Office quote on the sidebar is somewhat topical.