My Weekend, Including Ada and the Clothes Dryer

LB spent this past weekend in Auburn helping host a baby shower for her friend Shannon. I credit Shannon for getting LB and me together, so I hope LB got her a cookie cake or something nice like that. It was also probably the most appropriate place for LB to be this weekend since Alabama was playing for the SEC championship. Good for her that she got to be in Auburn as Alabama choked away their first chance at a SEC championship in ten years.

Since LB was gone, it was just Little Bit and me fending for our selves for a couple days. We started the weekend with Ada sleeping until 8 Saturday morning which allowed me to “sleep in.” I remember when 11am was sleeping in. I’m not sure at what point in the past year and half that switch happened, but it has. I woke up feeling refreshed and confident towards the solo Ada weekend. We had a birthday to attend at 2, but until then the day was wide open.

We spent most of the morning running around the house. I would say “I’m gonna get you!” then Ada would take off running and I’d chase her down. She loves it. Every once and a while she would build up enough courage to charge me instead. I thought all of the running would wear her out so I tried to put her down for a nap about 11:30. I wanted her to be nice and rested for little Knox’s party. She wasn’t having any of that.

It kept getting later and later and still no nap. It was time to leave and she had slept maybe 20min. I was more than a little nervous about how things were going to go at the party. We, we meaning everyone at the party, lucked out because I forgot that the Rogers’ have two dogs. Ada loves dogs. She loves dogs more than she loves mooing at Chik-fil-a commercials. With a little help from the dogs, all the interaction with other kids, and possibly the whole piece of chocolate cake I fed her, we were able to stay until half time of the SEC championship game.

I left right at halftime, got home, gave Ada a bath, and she fell straight to sleep due to all the day’s activities coupled with no nap. I was back in front of the TV and all I had missed was Florida’s first possession. I watched Alabama completely dominate Florida in the 3^rd quarter and was beginning to think they might actually pull it out. Mr. Tebow respectfully disagreed. He took over in the 4^th quarter. That 3^rd TD pass he threw was impossible. I think Tebow may be the greatest college football player I have ever watched, he’s basically a fullback who can throw the deep ball. Afterward, I was going to watch the Big 12 championship game, but I just couldn’t stomach seeing that score scrolling across the bottom of the screen every 20min. I decided to drown my sorrows with a nice man movie, Live Free or Die Hard. I needed a little football brain cleansing and the only cure I could think of was John McClane.

The past few Ada stories I have told have been more about her ability to use the bathroom than anything else, so I thought I’d mention this one. Sunday afternoon I needed to wash some clothes for work today. Ada was with me in the laundry room and I could tell she felt left out, so I let her in on some of the action. She was standing in front of the dryer, so I handed her a sock and she knew exactly what to do with it. Everything I took out of the washer she wanted to put in the dryer. This worked out well for a while, some socks, a couple t-shirts, she had it down pat. Then I pulled out a pair of wet blue jeans that probably weighed about 3 times as much her, but she remained fearless. I handed them to her and they immediately fell to the floor. I was proud of her though because she didn’t give up. She took one of the legs and got it just inside the door, then slowly but surely inched them completely into the dryer. She took off running when she finally got them in and thought it had worn her out and she didn’t want to be a part of the process anymore. I was still throwing the last of the clothes from the washer in when she returned. She had to gone into the bedroom and dug through a basket of clean clothes to find a used dryer sheet to throw in. I thought that was awesome.

Chalk another weekend up where Ada and I made it through on our own. Who need’s LB? (I'm just kidding Bezal, I love you very much and don't think Ada would be able to cook a pot roast as mean as yours, so please stay.)

A Diaper Change Gone Awry

We had an incident the other night that involved me rolling around the floor in sheer agony and Ada peeing diaperless in the living room. I try to be the eternal optimist in all situations, for example, I don’t think Florida will destroy Alabama this weekend like many people are saying, but I can think of only one good thing about our little situation…Ada peed on the hearth rather than carpet.

The evening started out very ordinary. LB was out for the night molding young minds and Ada and I had the run of the house. We had already eaten dinner, Ada was already bathed, and we were getting a little playtime in before bedtime. When it was time to take Ada upstairs, I was going give her a nice fresh diaper. For some reason that I have yet to figure out, she would rather sit around in the products of her excretory system instead letting LB or me change her. So naturally, she opposed my idea.This is when the night got interesting.

I laid Ada down on her back, stripped her old diaper, and went to grab the new one. Problem was, it was sitting about 2ft out of my reach. I stretched to grab it. With my back now turned, Ada saw her chance to make her get away. In her haste to flee the scene while I was looking away, she dropped kick me right in the bathing suit area. Instant pain shot through me that rendered me motionless. I haven’t taken a shot like that since the time I was 6yrs old and forgot the breaks on my new bike were on the handlebars rather than pedaling in reverse. I hit a storage shed going full speed.

I remember way back when Ada was only a few months old and we were giving her baths in an infant tub, her feet were always flailing wildly about. She’d be kicking the sides of the tub so hard, yet so unreactive that I sometimes thought she may have some disease that numbed pained sensors in her feet. The same thing held true these many months later as well. I was able to muster up enough energy to roll over to see what she was doing. She had made her way to the fireplace and was staring at me with a guile grin on her face, naked as the day she born and showing no remorse for the events that had just transpired, physically or mentally. I knew I had to get a diaper on her as quickly as possible but I couldn’t pick myself up. I remember lying there and thinking, “well if anything does happen to make it's way out, at least she isn’t on the carpet.” Then, as if my thoughts had some how telepathically triggered it, I saw the stream, the floodgates had opened. Ada didn’t even acknowledge it, she was still staring at me rolling around on the floor like a fish out of water and, I think, laughing on the inside.

As the puddle grew larger and larger, I knew I had to man up and act quickly. I was able to stagger over and pick her up before she started skipping rocks in the pond she just created. This time she let me put the diaper on her with no issues. I think she felt bad for what she had done. I picked her up to snap her onsie and she said “night night”. I told her she was exactly right and we limped our way straight upstairs.

I came back downstairs and laid on the couch for a while, to let the pain subside and gather my thoughts. I learned my lesson that night. Since, I’ve created myself a simple mental checklist to go through before each diaper change from here on out. Before I lay Ada down, I am sure to put a diaper in my back pocket. Also, if there is a change of clothes involved, I lay them out on the floor, just like my mom used to do for me in kindergarten, right beside the spot I plan on changing Ada. This way I know everything is always in reach and I will never have to take my eyes off of her mid diaper change. To say that I am a bit gun shy when changing her diaper now, would be an understatement.

I would advise any other dads out there to heed my advice. That is unless you wear a cup while changing your little one, which I did seriously consider as I was recovering on the couch that night. These two steps may seem simple enough, but they can save you from unnecessary insufferable pain. Dads, consider yourself warned.