you either didn't know about me or didn't want to.
Ok, so I have been called out. If there is anyone reading who doesn't read Bull and Ashley's blog, Beauty and the Bull, Beauty called me out yesterday. (Before I get started, if you're not reading their blog you really should, if offers up the best that the blogging world has to offer.) Apparently, there is a game of blog tag circling the bloggerdom and when you are tagged, the sportsmanly thing to do is comply. And by comply, that means write 100 facts about yourself and put it out there for the world to see. Here you go world....
1. I married out of my league.
2. And have a daughter more beautiful than I ever deserved.
3. I became a Christian when I was 12yrs old.
4. I still don’t fully understand how gracious/powerful/sovereign/loving/merciful/majestic our Father truly is.
5. I NEVER do lists like this, so feel honored Hen.
6. I call Ashley Turnbull, Mother Hen.
7. Hen drove me to school my freshman year of high school. Her brother, Tank, drove me my sophomore year. I didn’t turn 16 until the summer before my junior year.
8. I grew up in the lovely little town of Guntersville, AL. (LB grew up 30min away in Scottsboro, AL but we never knew each other then.)
9. Ada was born on my birthday – August 5. If you send presents, please send me one too.
10. Once in Kindergarten during naptime, I found a bean lying on the ground next to me and decided it would be a good idea to see how far it would go up my nose. It took my teacher, the principal, and school nurse 45min to get it out.
11. I never had to use the “spare” set of clothes they make you bring at the beginning of the year in kindergarten.
12. I was the Cookie Monster in my kindergarten play. My costume consisted of a blue sweat suit, with the hoodie pulled over my head and two huge eyeballs sewed to the top.
13. When I was in first grade I got my first pet, a dog whom I named Varmit.
14. I also had a hamster once, Hoagie, who gave birth, then ate her babies. I was scarred for a while after that.
15. In 3rd grade, one of my fellow students shaved the word “HUGO” into the back of his head after Hurricane Hugo landed in California. I thought it was cool and wanted to do it too, but Mom wouldn’t let me.
16. She did, however let me shave cornrows into the sides of my head a few years later. Why Mom? Why?
17. I once saved a 3yr old that was lost in the woods. He had followed a stray dog into the woods and lost his way. I found him curled up beside a tree crying.
18. My favorite band is Better Than Ezra
19. My favorite singer is George Strait.
20. I hate the “new” country music and miss the likes of Hank Williams Jr. and Conway Twitty.
21. My favorite worst song ever is Just a Friend by Biz Markie.
22. I used to know all the lyrics to Whoomp!! There it is, Ice Ice Baby, and Baby Got Back. Now, because I never utilized those skillz, I have forgotten all but the chorus and occasional stanzas. Use it or lose it, I guess.
23. Speaking of Stanza’s, I totaled my first car, a ’91 Nissan Stanza, when I was 17 and came out unscathed. I was only going 5mph when it happened, but the Corvette I collided with was probably going 80. Tank was behind me at the intersection when it happened and witnessed the event. He took me home after the cops let me go.
24. I have gotten three speeding tickets in my lifetime: 1 when I was 16, 1 when I was 17, one when I was 18. (Knocking on wood, that that was the last of them)
25. I am the youngest of 4 siblings, 2 sisters and a brother. The closest in age is my brother who is 15years older than me.
26. I was very much a Late-in-Life Blessing to my parents.
27. I have 2 nephews older than me. One by 5mo, one by 2yrs.
28. I owned a New Kids on the Block tape. And one time one of said nephews and I tried to learn the words and dance moves to one of their songs. Please note this was a looong time ago.
29. I am never clean-shaven. The last time I was, was probably my wedding. (2yrs ago in April.)
30. I get a haircut about once every 6mo. I get it cut really short and then let it grow.
31. It has been 4+yrs since I have been to the dentist for a cleaning. Don’t judge me, there have been reasons. I currently have an appointment at the end of April.
32. I grew up an Alabama fan, lived in Athens, GA for a year intending to go to school at UGA, and ended up moving to Auburn and graduating from there. I remain an Alabama fan.
33. In Athens, I lived in a house with members of the 2002 UGA football team, including Musa Smith who now plays for the Baltimore Ravens. He wouldn’t know me now though. He stayed in his room with the doors locked all the time and never talked to anyone.
34. I love coffee, but hate Starbucks.
35. I didn’t start drinking coffee until 2005, when I got my first job. I had to look professional, so I bought one of those metal travel coffee mugs and put it to use. I don’t know where that mug is now, but I grew to love coffee.
36. I drink my coffee very girlified: lots of sugar, lots of creamer, usually French Vanilla flavored creamer.
37. I began my first real world job 4 days after I graduated.
38. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
39. I chose my major (Logistics) while in the counselor’s office discussing what would get me out of school the quickest.
40. I am the first person in my family to graduate from college.
41. I lost 45lbs during my time at college.
42. I now drink Diet Coke for the taste; so don’t look at me funny when I order 2 double cheeseburgers and a small fry with a diet coke.
43. Sweet tea used to be my favorite drink, but I have drunk Diet Coke so long now, I can’t stand it because it tastes to sweet.
44. I am proud of the fact that I converted LB from Diet Pepsi to Diet Coke.
45. In college, I worked 20hrs a week as a jewelry engraver.
46. LB worked in the store that sold the jewelry I engraved, but we still hadn’t met each other yet.
47. I got to know Beezy by pretending to be a runner so I could spend time with her. Once I got her, I quit running. She still complains about this to this day.
48. I hate running.
49. I once ran a 5k without training because a 53yr old Runner I worked with challenged me. He still owes me a wing dinner from Taco Mac.
50. Taco Mac is one of my favorite restaurants.
51. Chili’s (Home of the Dundies) is my GO-TO restaurant and may, in fact, be my favorite restaurant. This is a tough one though, so it still up for debate.
52. I love movies and TV.
53. Favorite Drama: LOST; Favorite Sitcom: The Office
54. How I Met Your Mother is making a push to be one of my top 3 situational comedies of all time.
55. This is mostly due to Jason Segel’s acting. He cracks me up.
56. I spend hours on the internet reading theories and recaps about LOST.
57. Favorite Movie: The Shawshank Redemption.
58. I’ve never seen a scary movie that has really scared me. Sure, I have jumped occasionally, but most of them are laughable.
59. I am open to suggestions. (Hint: evil little kids freak me out.)
60. I love the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings series.
61. I claim to not like reality TV, but in “reality” I enjoy watching: The Amazing Race, Beauty and the Geek, and The Biggest Loser. I used to like American Idol, but not so much these days.
62. I currently don’t have cable. Surprising to me too.
63. I missed my bachelor party due to LB’s sweet grandmother passing away.
64. One of my best bros, Sheffer, decided to throw me an impromptu, makeshift party the weekend before my wedding. We were the only 2 in attendance and it involved taking me to The Vortex (calm down, it’s just a restaurant) in Little 5 Points then to an LPGA event held in Atlanta that someone he worked with had gotten him free tickets for. Random? Yes, but I was very appreciative.
65. I was the first of all my buddies to get married. It’s now almost 2yrs later and the last one ties the knot in June.
66. I dressed up as a woman for Halloween once. I was hot.
67. A broken finger kept me from playing football my junior year…yes, a measly broken finger.
68. I found out #67 the day after Coach Brown called me into his office and told me I was starting the next game. (It would have been my first start, but i didn't play until the next year.)
69. My best 3 friends on the football team and I were dubbed the “4 Horseman” by the head coach freshmen year. Not because of an uncanny resemblance to the famed Fighting Irish horsemen, but because we were always huddled together when we weren’t out on the field.
70. I love SEC football. I would be content every Saturday in the fall just lying on the couch, watching the 11/12pm Lincoln Financial SEC game, then the 230/330pm CBS Sports SEC game, then the 645/745 ESPN2 SEC game, only getting up for a new iced cold beverage, another slice of pizza, and potty breaks.
71. I am huge introvert.
72. I am very shy around people I don’t know.
73. I have a gripping fear of public speaking.
74. I took a zero once in school so I didn’t have to give a speech.
75. I know this is just as much pride as is an arrogant boaster…I’m still praying about it.
76. I “let loose” more while blogging because I’m not typing front of an audience. If you think my jokes are stupid, I’ll never know.
77. I read a lot of people’s blogs but rarely comment because I think they will think I am weird.
78. However, I really enjoy when people comment on my blog. Say hi if you would like.
79. I am horrible at keeping up with old buddies. I wish more of them would blog.
80. I love going to mid-week night games at Turner Field and sitting in the upper deck where no one is around, spreading out, eating peanuts and taking in the skyline and the game.
81. One of these days, I want to take off work and get to a day game very early to watch batting practice, try to get autographs, and just spend the whole day at the field.
82. I can't wait to take Ada to a game.
83. I like all things pop-culture but, can’t stand Oprah, Dr. Phil, or celebrity gossip publications.
84. Nor, do I know who Hannah Montana is.
85. I do want to compete in the World Series of Pop Culture one day. I’m looking for team members who know about subjects mentioned above that I despise.
86. Deep down, I want to know how to be a Mr. Fix-it.
87. Deep down, I know it’s just not in the DNA.
88. I look at maps and atlases for fun.
89. I am very passive aggressive and this drives LB crazy. My bad, Beezy.
90. I never call Laura Beth, Laura Beth. I have a plethora of nicknames in the rotation, but the most common is Beezy.
91. I don’t know anything about computers. I don’t know what RAM stands for or how many megahertz of it my computer has.
92. I am not a very good typer. Very slow and lots of errors, so many that even when I proofread, I still miss stuff.
93. I get LB to proof most posts before I publish them.
94. She is way smarter than me.
95. We are now 2mo into our first house.
96. It doesn’t feel like home quite yet.
97. I think, when all is said and done, I’m really going to like our new town.
98. I miss the people from our old community group.
99. But, look forward to getting to know the people in our new one.
100. I honestly can't believe I just did this.
Wow, I did it. I’m actually kind of proud of myself and it only took my hour lunch today and about 30min during Ada’s late afternoon nap. If you want back stories to any of the facts listed above let me know. If you have any you want to add, they may be fun too.
100 things about myself was tough to come up with. But, now that I have completed it, I can pass this daunting task on to someone else. First, I would like tag Beezy, just to see if she puts anything I don’t already know. Next, I will go with Lindsay Taylor, she’s relatively new to the blogging world, so it will be a good way to fully immerse her into our cult community. And last but certainly not least, BowenOwens. I appreciated her polite way of asking blogstalkers to step up and recognize today. I once typed up a post very similar to hers today entitled Role Call, but never actually published. Get to work ladies!
you either didn't know about me or didn't want to.
Chris Griffin Dan finally got eliminated from the Biggest Loser Tuesday night. I have been a big Dan fan since my post back in January.
Sidenote: That post has been the single most popular post in the history of the blog. I would say I get about 5-6 people a week who google “dan chris griffin biggest loser” or some combination of those words and end up here at Always Leave You Wanting Moore. This has happened so much now, that if you go to google and search those words, ALYWM is number one on the list. A fact that I am very proud of, at least I’m #1 at something, right? I have had visitors from as far as India scouring the net for my Chris Griffin vs. Dan comparison and, for a while, there was a link to the blog on a Seth McFarlane fanclub website. *All information provided by Sitemeter, the handy little tool over there on the right side column.
Anyway, I wanted to do a congratulatory post to Dan and his hard work, who before being eliminated Week 13 had lost a total of 112lbs. Wow, that is like losing the equivalent of a baby calf in little over 3 months, very impressive.
Ok, I just went to nbc.com to get the picture I pasted up at the top and apparently there is a large Anti-Dan following. Here are just few comments that people are saying:
“ I would hate to be hated by so many, like this kid is. Karma is wonderful.” – k
“Dan, you couldn’t have been more arrogant and obnoxious. So glad to see you gone” – snarfo
Dan, you acted like a complete arse on the show. That was beyond ‘dry sense of humor’. You must have grown up very spoiled. You had that ‘its all about me attitude.’ Let me tell you, if you continue with that attitude you are going to have a lot of doors close on you. You are not that talented. You need all the help you can get. You might start with being a nicer person to others.” – All down hill from here
What is up with that? He was just a kid on the Biggest Loser and it seems as if there is a hate group forming over him. I find it interesting that the people who left the negative comments didn’t even man up and leave their name. Typical. It just goes to show you how sensitive people are these days. Everywhere you turn there is someone wanting to be offended by something. It is crazy. I better stop now before this turns into a full-fledged vent.
This was supposed to be a quick, lighthearted post in honor of my favorite biggest loser. So, to bring it all back in, a little stroll down memory lane:
As I mentioned in my last post, I went on a little mini-movie marathon a couple of weeks ago when LB and Ada went out of town. It was a great 6 days movie wise, I saw 6 or 7 movies, really enjoying every one of them. One, 300, even found its way on to my Top 5 Man Movies list.
The lone movie of disappointment was sadly, Vantage Point. Sadly, because it was one of the ones I was looking forward to the most. I can’t remember the last time I made it to the theater; I think it was probably before Ada was born. I was so excited about this one that I had to put an end to the theater drought.
It was about 2 Wednesdays ago now, so I don’t remember all of the details, but I do remember coming out feeling very disappointed. Seeing the previews it had such potential, it could’ve been so awesome…. ahh, what could have been?
Don’t get me wrong, the movie itself, wasn’t horrible. It was the ending, endings can make or break a movie and it broke this one. Basically, it is a 1hr 30min movie and was pretty good for about 1hr25min. It starts like a normal movie and goes along for about 20min until the assassination attempt on the president *not a spoiler it was shown in the previews*. It then stops mid-film and does a rewind type thing back to the beginning of the movie. From there, it starts tell the story in a very LOST-esque flashback type manner. It focuses in on 7 to 8 individuals, showing everything that had happened thus far in the movie from their unique perspective, then does the rewind thing to the next character, and reveals a little bit more information with each flashback. Eventually, we catch up on every character's “vantage point” and we plunge deeper into the story. It’s hard for me to review movies, without giving away plot lines and I know, I for one, hate spoilers, so I am going to stop with the plot details here.
I was really into at this point. Looking back, I think everything was probably a little second rate, but I was into it because of the way they sucked me in with the story telling. I will hand it to them, they got me. So, at the time of my viewing, I am laid back in my stadium seating thinking how awesome it was. There were a couple twists, a pretty good car chase scene, and I couldn’t wait to see if the bad guy was going to get away with everything.
We get to the climax and everything is going down…this is it….are they going to get away? And then all of sudden, it’s over …just like that. WHAT!?!?! That’s it? That’s how it is going to end? All this build up and this is how it is going to end? You have to be kidding me!
Now, I am not one for lengthy movies, but this one could have definitely gone another 20 minutes to wrap everything up in a better way. The problem with this movie was the way they told the story in a reverse type manner. They really couldn’t change the ending because we see glimpses leading up to the ending throughout the movie. Of course, this wouldn’t have been a problem if the writer had thought in the beginning, “Why don’t we give this move an awesome ending to match the awesome story telling so it doesn’t suck?” Unfortunately for us, they didn’t have that kind of foresight. It’s hard to imagine some one could come up with the story as a whole, but end it in such a lame way.
So there you have it. I felt I had to warn everyone because there is nothing I hate more than a movie with a bad ending. It could have been so good, too. Who knows though, maybe you will enjoy it. I hope you do, but consider yourself warned.
So, it’s been a couple weeks since I have posted anything of substance. I have had a few things going on, just kind of ran out of blogging steam. Since the last post, Mancation© IV has come and gone, I started practicing with the Fresh Express softball team, and a new diet has been instituted. I thought I would try and catch up, so when the blogs start becoming more frequent again no one will be left behind.
I’ll start with the diet situation. Back in the day I was a big boy, not that there is any threat of me being blown away now. But in my heyday, thanks to Momma’s fried pork chops and many many McDonald’s double cheeseburgers, I was sporting an impressive 225lbs on my 5’9” frame. Slowly throughout college, I was able to knock it down to a more manageable 180lbs. Well, a couple days ago I stepped on the scale and I had climbed my way back to 187lbs, not quite near what it once was, but could certainly head in that direction if I didn’t nip it in the bud. So, this is me, nipping. LB will tell you, I have a tendency to sometimes not finish things I start, so like a lot of people in the blogging community, I am publicly professing this to hold myself accountable. Watch out Jared, here I come.
Also harkening back to my glory days, I used to be a pretty decent baseball player. Granted, Geena Davis from A League of Their Own would probably fair better at the plate than I did, but I was a vacuum at third base. Fielding was my strongpoint. So, when a buddy I work with told me that Fresh Express had a company softball team, I was pretty excited. I thought I already had the fielding down pat and since the ball came a lot slower and was twice the size, surely this hitting thing would follow suite. I was expecting to be an all-star in a league full of middle-aged pot bellied wanna-be’s. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening, turns out there were no potbellies and they were really good, more importantly, I wasn’t. It’s sufficed to say my fielding skills have greatly diminished since I graduated back in the spring of ’99. I literally embarrassed myself out there, missing every ground ball that came my way. I have now become the kid that the coaches stick out in right field little league. Every time the ball is hit towards me I can actually hear everyone else on the team wincing. There should be some great stories forthcoming when the season starts in a couple of weeks.
Now on to a more positive note: Mancation© IV. M IV was a record-breaking event for me. The week before last, LB headed back to Scottsboro on Wednesday and didn’t return until Monday, leaving me home alone for 6 days and 5 nights. If you’ll remember from my first post about my Mecations, one of the things I like to do is catch up on all my man movies and catch up I did. I knocked out a total of 7 movies during that time frame, and one of those nights was devoted to our first Fresh Express softball practice. Yes, 7 movies in 5 days, a personal record, 3 Netflixed, 2 Movie Galleried, and 2 in the theater and each and everyone was Mantastic. The list includes (in the order that they were viewed): Vantage Point, Beowulf, The Brave One, Hitman, Michael Clayton, 10,000 BC and 300. Apparently, I saved the best for last because 300 was awesome. It quickly jumped to the top of my Man Movie list, it may have even edged out Live Free or Die Hard. Of course, with 7 movies it’s too many to do mini-reviews, but if you want to know my thoughts on any of the others just ask.
I hope all is well and everyone had a great Easter.
Until next time…
I skipped the Results Show today for the same reason Mario Lopez skips announcing second place at the Miss America pageant, to increase anticipation. Today we begin the final steps of crowning a champion to what has become a month long competition. But first, let’s set the ambiance and build some tension:
Championship Round: Heathcliff Huxtable vs. Dwight K. Schrute.
Our criteria was supposed to be fanmade videos, but it proved to be difficult to find one for a show that was most popular during the late 80s before Al Gore invented the internet. So, I went with Cosby talking about the dentist. Just pretend it is Cliff Huxtable. That shouldn’t be too hard, they look very similar.
I went with this fanmade video because Dwight eats the Internet for breakfast just like you, just like you.
The results from Day 7:
Heatchcliff Huxtable – 59%
Tracy Jordan – 41%
Jerry Seinfeld – 40%
Chandler Bing – 60%
Liz Lemon – 76%
Tobias Funke – 24%
Michael Scott – 40%
Dwight K Schrute – 60%
News and Notes:
-I was nice in the last News and Notes section and good things happened for me, I was able to beat Tarver for the first time in this competition. Of course now, I have Cliff Huxtable in the Final Four with 3 of his characters, so I am going to continue being nice in hopes it pulls me through again.
- Dear Tyler, if I ever met you in real life I’m sure you would have a firm handshake and smell like Old Spice. I bet you can also prepare a mean steak on the grill and when you wear your fedora you kind of look like Justin Timberlake. So, congratulations on bringing sexy back and for inventing Facebook. Good luck in these final two rounds. May the force be with you.
- I also mentioned Jean-Claude Van Damme in the last News and Notes section, so I kind of feel like I need to work in a reference to him again but can’t think of anything. So, I am linking to this post I wrote a couple years ago that briefly mentions JCVD.
-Here’s the updated bracket.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed below are the views and opinions of the individual bloggers blogging them and not necessarily represent the view and opinion of this blog.
Round 3 Match up 1: Heathcliff Huxtable vs. Tracy Jordan
Originally, I crafted a paragraph that was for all intents and purposed a literary homicide of Tracy Jordan. But then my conscience got the best of me because Cliff Huxtable bashing Tracy Jordan is essentially a black on black crime and Cliff would never do that. He has the sweatshirts to prove it. So, let’s think of it this way: Tracy Jordan vs. Cliff Huxtable is basically ridiculous crass humor versus safe family fun – a vote for Tracy is a vote against black families everywhere.
Ah, Cliff Huxtable. The sweet father that everyone loves. Consider him a slightly less urban Danny from Full House. I like Bill Cosby, I like his morals and his style and him just being a cool classy dude. But this is a greatest Comedic TV Character competition. We're going for humor here. While he remains beloved and sweet and always relays a happy ending, he does not produce countless lines that induce laughter. Greatest TV Dad? Probably. Funniest TV Character? Sadly, not in today's world. Your vote? Tracy Jordan, because he's freaking hilarious with every word he speaks, he, my friends, "is a jedi."
Round 3 Match up 2: Jerry Seinfeld vs. Chandler Bing
Is Chandler Bing someone you feel good about voting as the greatest comedy TV character of the last 20 years? Are we even sure that he's the funniest character on Friends? I mean, he didn't even get the chance to fail at his own spin-off a la Joey.The best thing I can say about Chandler Bing is that he had some good one-liners. A nice fact but somewhat lacking when it comes to candidacy for greatest comedy character of the last 20 years. If you exist centrally within a ensemble, then you cannot somehow exceed it. Chandler may have had his moments but so did Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, Monica, and even the naked guy. Should they also be considered the greatest comedy characters ever? Being in an ensemble implies that each character relies equally on the other and is why a spinoff like Joey never worked: because characters like Chandler and Joey have to be helped towards the comedy. They can't stand on their own to feet and produce it like, say, Jerry Seinfeld did.
Jerry Freakin Seinfeld. The Goliath of this little hoorah. I know I have to be careful what I say because there are so many Officer McClanes out there (Die Hards), so I'll put this delicately. Jerry was not the funniest person on his wildly popular, and too often overrated show. Kramer and George consistently made the laughs happen when there were laughs to be had. Jerry was the overweight high school coach tossing up floaters for them to hit out of the park. Honestly, when was the last time you laughed out loud at anything he's said? Chandler Bing was hands down the funniest and wittiest character on Friends. Please, vote for Funny, not for someone who was the 3rd funniest character on his own show.
Round 3 Match up 3: Liz Lemon vs. Tobias Funke
My first thought: "Who the H is Tobias Funke?" (H is for Hootie & the Blowfish), allow me to Google.....okay, I've seen 4 episodes of Arrested Development and I still didn't know his name. Yeah, he's pretty good as the 5th funniest character on an obscure 3 season cancelled obscure comedy who primarily made jokes with relation to his sexual orientation, but he just does not belong on the list of Greatest Comedic TV Characters. It's like Air Bud trying out for the '93 Chicago Bulls. Stick with someone who still manages to write, create, and generate laughs on everything she does. Vote Liz Lemon, or else you hate women.
Round 3 Match up 4: Michael Scott vs. Dwight K. Schrute
Assistant to the Regional Manager is a metaphor in a lot of ways when it comes to Dwight K. Schrute. As long as Michael is around, he'll never be the Regional Manager and he'll never be the funniest character on the show. Is he funny? Sure. But he's like a really good appetizer. Amusing, but only in doses. Which is fine, but the greatest comedy character of the last 20 years should be versatile, not just a static character used to initiate antagonistic behavior from coworkers.Moreover, Dwight K. Schrute's comedic development is a direct result of Michael Scott's existence. Michael properly contextualizes him and gives him an outlet for his psychosis. Without Michael Scott, Dwight is just a creepy beet farmer. Voting for Dwight is voting for a world where s'mores exist without campfires and creepy ice cream trucks exist without parental fear of pedophilia. It would be like voting one of Santa's Helpers as a more significant element of Christmas than Santa himself. Is that a world you want to live in?
Michael Scott vs Dwight Schrute. It's like the "which kid would you drop game" my parents always played that broke my arm. Michael Scott is funny, there's no doubt about it. Dwight Schrute is funny, you can't deny that. Together they make an unstoppable force of comedic genius. I say vote for both, but make sure you vote alphabetically. But, if you have to just choose one, just one, look, to loyalty. Look to the one who is not leaving just because he started getting some movie roles with some paychecks. Look to the one who's fighting through the battle and choosing to let The Office remain alive. Do not look to Michael Scott. Nay, your man...is Dwight freaKing Schrute.
The results from Day 6:
Liz Lemon – 66%
Gob Bluth – 34%
Tobias Funke – 63%
Larry David – 37%
Ron Swanson – 25%
Michael Scott – 75%
Dwight Schrute – 67%
Cosmo Kramer – 33%
News and Notes:
-I thought it would be best if I skip the news and notes since last time I vaguely threatened Tyler Tarver through the use of a 1980's martial arts movies based on the life and times of Frank Dux as portrayed by Jean-Claude Van Damme. This competition is getting to me, yall.
The results from yesteryear:
Chandler Bing – 58%
George Costanza – 42%
Jerry Seinfeld – 77%
Peter Griffin – 23%
Tracy Jordan – 55%
Michael Bluth – 45%
Heathcliff Huxtable – 55%
Phil Dunphy – 45%
New and Notes:
-After a long delay due to a seizing daughter and a heaving host, the tournament is back. I think everyone knows about our scare with Ada, so I’m glad to report that we brought her home a week ago this past Wednesday and she has been perfect ever since. However that Friday, I came down with the stomach flu and spent what felt like several months throwing up. It lasted about 5 days altogether and I have just now started eating stuff other than saltine crackers again. In the end, I lost 6lbs because of it so I think it was God’s way of telling me I was getting too fat again.
-Updated bracket: here.
-Today’s matches will be the end of Round 2, and since Round 3 consists of belittling our opponents, we will start it on Tuesday to allow some prep time for those of us still left in the tournament. Sorry David.
-I’d like to note that Tyler Tarver is still undefeated in this competition with his Chandler Bing taking down George Costanza. He can’t lose. He’s like that Asian guy in Bloodsport that sent Van Damme’s friend to the hospital. If I have to face him next round, I am going to write my belittling paragraph blindfolded while a young Forest Whitaker cheers me on from a nearby set of bleachers.
-Tarver, consider this me saying I aint scared:
There was a slight delay in the television tournament due to a family emergency. Basically what happened, on Monday Ada woke up from a nap with what doctors have confirmed were seizures. She continued to have them through the night, so we took her to the ER at around11pm on Monday night. You can go to LB’s post to see the long version and why she blog-divorced. She writes about real life while I host TV tournaments.
Good news is we got to bring Ada home today. Bad news is the doctors still aren’t sure what is causing the seizures despite all those expensive tests they run. We have appointments to see our pediatrician and a neurologist before the end of the week, so hopefully we can get to the bottom of this soon. My buddy, Bull, suspects the real cause is that Ada is just imitating Charlie Sheen. Which is probable. However until we find out the cause, I am just going to keep pretending we are in an episode of House. And stop letting Ada drink tiger blood.
Needless to say, I haven’t really focused on the TV tournament the past couple of days, but hopefully I can at least get around to finishing Round 2 this week. I will try to knock it out in between doctor appointments and catching up on sleep. I thought I would close with a message Ada wanted me to share with everyone: "Vote for Ron Swanson!"
Probably a month or so ago, I released a call to the public for some good online sermons. I had multiple suggestions to download some Mark Driscoll, so, I did. I am now a fan. Some of his comments are a bit over the top, but I am not easily offended so it is OK.
So, I am going along my merry way this morning predicting Mid-Atlantic salad consumption while listening to Driscoll’s sermon series Vintage Jesus. This particular sermon was, “What did Jesus accomplish on the cross?” It was very powerful to me. In the beginning, he spent a large amount of time detailing what Jesus physically went through on the cross for us, sort like an audio version of Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ.” It was good for me to hear because I think we so often mention Jesus dying on the cross for us, without truly thinking about what all that entailed.
As Driscoll was concluding his sermon, there were a couple paragraphs worth that really stood out to me. Hearing it reminded me of my sinful nature, how I am nothing apart from Christ, and how without Christ, I do everything mentioned below. I am very guilty of always trying to protect my “good guy” persona or doing my good works to earn God’s favor. Even though I know these truths he spoke about, I continually turn away from them. Driscoll’s words left me feeling very convicted and truly, truly thankful at the same time. I tried to catch most of what he said below. My prayer is that I could live everyday truly believing in the cross.
If you still have shame, you don’t really believe in the cross. If you are still trying to present yourself as a good person instead of being honest and walking in the light and saying here is my humanity, my frailty, my temptations, my struggles, I’m not the hero, Jesus is, I don’t save myself, Jesus saves me, I’m not the good guy, he is; if you are still worried about your image and how you appear and being moral and religious and upright and pious and good, you do not yet fully, truly believe in the cross. If you are still trying to do good works and trying to be a good person and trying to do what God wants so God will love you, you do not get the cross. God loves you, not because of what you do, but what Jesus has done for you.
You don’t need to do anything so that God will love you, he already loves you in Jesus. You don’t need to do anything so God will embrace you, he will embrace you through the finished work of Jesus. When Jesus said, "It is finished," what he meant was, there is nothing more for us to do to be saved. That’s why Religion and morality are the enemies of the cross, it’s trying to be a good person to pay God back, when Jesus took care of everything. We don’t need to pay off a debt that has been paid. It’s trying to be a good person so that God will love us when Jesus has already loved us and the love of God has already been poured out through his work on the cross. If you live with guilt, shame, condemnation, if you have secrets you have never told anyone, if you have sins that you have never confessed to God, if you have shame that binds your identity, you do not yet fully believe in the cross. And if when you sin, you hide, you blame, you deflect, you excuse, you change the subject, you flare up in anger, you try and defend your appearance, instead of just coming clean with God and others, you do not yet really believe in the cross.
Note: McCoy’s Seinfeld and Allain's Costanza submissions are both only links rather than videos. This is due to all the Seinfeld related clips being on lockdown and having the embedding disabled. Please do not hold it against Knox or Bryan that you have to do extra work including but not limited to clicking an additional link. Because honestly, you probably already know who you are going to vote for without even watching the videos.
I can only draw one conclusion from these proceedings: The Seinfeld Empire is an empire of communism that wishes to withhold the spread of laughter and cheer from all those who dwell inside it. And while I am on the subject, The Marriage Ref wasn’t funny. Also, don’t hold the communism thing against Knox or Bryan either. Now, on with the competition.
Round 2 Match up 1: Heathcliff Huxtable vs. Phil Dunphy
Round 2 Match up 2: Michael Bluth vs. Tracy Jordan
Round 2 Match up 3: Peter Griffin vs. Jerry Seinfeld
Round 2 Match up 4: George Costanza vs. Chandler Bing
The results from Day 4:
Jack Donaghy – 37%
Michael Scott – 63%
Ron Swanson – 52%
George Michael Bluth – 48%
Eric Cartman – 16%
Dwight K. Schrute – 84%
Andy Bernard – 43%
Cosmo Kramer – 57%
News and Notes:
-Round 1 is in the books. Things will start moving pretty quickly now. Round 2 will run on Monday and Tuesday, Round 3 on Wednesday, Round 4 on Thursday, and the Championship Round on Friday. Here is the updated bracket so you can see who will be facing who in Round 2.
-Congratulations again to Tyler Tarver for being the only one to go 4-0 in the first round. And even deeper condolences to David Robbins for getting shut out of the first round. I know that must sting. David, consider this an open invitation to guest post here to vent your frustrations.
-Ron Swanson vs. George Michael Bluth was the closet match up we had in the first round. While I am excited about Ron Swanson making it through to Round 2 (he is probably my favorite character on television right now) I’m not very optimistic about him getting any further. In Round 2, he faces Michael Scott who just pulled almost 2/3 of the votes against Jack Donaghy.
-This morning, my daughter Ada and I were the only ones awake. We were watching cartoons together when one came on that I had never seen before. I asked her if she wanted to change the channel. She said no because it was her favorite. I questioned her because I am pretty sure Dora is her favorite. Her response: "Actually, ALL of TV is my favorite. Except the commercials."
Like father like daughter, I guess.
Nifty, nifty, it’s post number fifty. This very post marks the 50th installment in the chronicles of Always Leave You Wanting “Moore.” It has taken us four long months to reach this point, but I am very proud of this crowning achievement.
From no capitalization or punctuation and being scolded by my wife to celebrating a little freedom from the scolder, we have, hopefully, laughed, and I know that I have cried. I have voiced my undying support of The Office and Netflix and concerns for garbage reality TV, all while losing a tooth in the process. We have moved into our first house, blog-divorced, grieved, and moved on, while in the mean time, keeping you updated with what has been going on with Ada (1,2, &3), which was the whole point in starting this little blog.
In honor of this momentous occasion, I was thinking of starting a “Best Of” column over on the right hand side like I have seen on quite a few other blogs. I feel a little hesitant about picking out the posts to go in that section on my own, so I was hoping some of you could help me out. Does any one out there have any favorite posts? Any that stick out in your mind, maybe one that made you chuckle a little to yourself or pulled at the heartstrings a bit? I would appreciate any suggestions in the comments section. Anyone and everyone’s opinions are welcome.
I hope you have been slightly entertained, as we have offered up a window into the inner workings of the Moore’s lives and thank you to those who stop by on occasion or purely by chance and an even bigger thank you to those who have been regular attendees.
Here’s to 50 more posts. Thank you and God bless.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed below are the views and opinions of the individual bloggers blogging them and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of this blog. Expect for the paragraph about Ron Swanson. Ron Swanson is awesome.
Round 1 Match up 13: Jack Donaghy vs. Michael Scott
Jack Donaghy - He has more power and influence than Alexander the Great. He wrote Carly Simon's 1972 hit "You're So Vein". His achievements exceed anything you could ever think of. In fact, I'm not even going to write anymore about him because he wouldn't want me to. His time is far more valuable than some cheap bio. But know that he loves you and he'll always be there for you in the form of a backhanded compliment sprinkled in love and scotch.
If you are interested in seeing the state of the art involving comedic stylings, look no further than Michael Scott. He is as lovable as he is inane and his misguidedness is only exceeded by the sympathy we feel for him. As the preeminent Everyman of TV characters, he embodies all the obnoxious things we dislike about our bosses, while maintaining a vulnerability and obliviousness that keeps him close to our hearts. How many characters can pull off symbolizing that which we loath, while also being a character we're always pulling for? Only one: Michael Scott.
Round 1 Match up 14: Ron Swanson vs. George Michael Bluth
In the first round of any competition in the whole world, only one thing matters: having a pyramid of greatness named after you. Only one man in the world of comedy has reached this kind of success: Ron Swanson. Ron Swanson is a man among men among other men, meaning that in several groups of men, Ron is the most among of all. While you were trying to decipher that sentence, Ron ate ALL of the bacon and eggs you have, grew the sweetest mustache prime time television has seen since Magnum PI, abolished numerous government agencies, survived being shot in the head, was selected as the Pawnee Woman of the Year, and recorded two full length albums as his jazzy saxophone-playing alter ego Duke Silver. Ron has only one weakness – his ex-wife. But who among us has not had an angry lover rip off part of our mustache? We can't fault Ron for being human. I implore you to vote for Ron Freakin' Swanson.
Michael Cera has made quite an impact in the film industry playing uptight and high-strung characters. I feel his most glorious achievement was his first major role as George Michael Bluth in the acclaimed sitcom Arrested Development. George Michael's neuroticism is overwhelmingly hilarious as he fights off the crush he develops for his cousin, when he is given the title of "Mr. Manager" for the family's frozen banana stand and as he attempts to be a good son to his father, Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman of TeenWolf 2 fame). Through it all, George Michael proves himself to be one of the most normal members of a highly dysfunctional family -- the Bluths.
Round 1 Match up 15: Eric Carman vs. Dwight K. Schrute
You think Dwight K. Shrute is menacing because of his weapons and penchant for terrifying snowball fights? Answer me this: has he ever sought revenge by grinding a bully's parents into chili con carne and then fed that chili to the bully? Has he ever lead an uprising of gingers? Has he ever feigned Tourette's Syndrome simply to pour out profanity on national television? Has Dwight ever befriended the Dark Lord Cthulu, the most evil creature to ever walk the earth? Eric Cartman has. Beyond that, Cartman is the funniest and most dynamic character on one of the most groundbreaking comedies of all time, the only character on this entire list that could say whatever he wants, at any time, and no one would bat an eye. Dwight K. Shrute is a slightly improved version of Gareth Kienan, and at best the 2nd funniest character in his show.
Fact: Never before has a man or machine ever embodied such raw talent, determination, and raw basketball/weapon/combat skills with a "z" in the history of comedy. Everything he says is direct, unflinching, and poised to utterly dominate, devastate, and destroy his competition in ways that will make you enjoy, love, and hate hearing things in 3's separated by commas. Dwight KS runs a beet farm, bead and breakfast, and owns an office park, and not just any office park, "The Office" offices, visa vie, he owns "The Office." Dwight's comedic genius is paralleled only by his own ability to overestimate himself and use his body language to induce laughter into your very heart and soul. I leave you with one quote by The Dwight himself, "I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves; I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog."
Round 1 Match up 16: Andy Bernard vs. Cosmo Kramer
Andy Bernard is a man of many talents. He has survived a duel with Dwight Schrute and possesses at least 13 nicknames. Andy can play the banjo, harmonize with anyone, and graduated from Management Training, anger management training. He set a record in shirt folding while working at Abercrombie and Fitch and once defeated Kelly Kapoor in a dance off, despite ending up in the hospital due to an unfortunate accident involving his keys and bathing suit area. Perhaps the most impressive of all, Andy is a Cornell University alumnus, but you probably didn’t know that because he is too humble to mention it. Now is the time, as Andy would say, to “beer him” a vote.
The list of characters who've received studio audience applause solely for showing up in a scene in the last 20 years is a short one, but only one of those characters did it for the best sitcom of all time. Like Pele, Bono, and Emeril before him, Kramer only needs 1 name to be identified (even though the revelation of his first name in Season 6 helped vault the show to #1 in the Nielson rankings for the first time ever.) Between the physical comedy, the preposterous plans, and the perfectly timed one-liners, Kramer left his mark on every scene he was in. And in doing so, he left a mark on the comedy landscape that will never be erased.
The results from Day 3:
Bart Simpson - 21%
Liz Lemon - 79%
Gob Bluth - 59%
Samuel Screech Powers - 41%
Tobias Funke - 70%
Gareth Keenan - 30%
Larry David - 55%
Dave Chappelle - 45%
News and Notes:
-First I want to apologize to my regular readers. I know you were used to the sporadic, mediocre posts about twice a week and now all of sudden posts are coming at you everyday that are way better than mine usually are because there are much funnier people writing the majority of them. Don’t get used it. We’ll be back to my erratic, subpar blogging style after next week.
-Congratulations to Tyler Tarver for being the only one who is still undefeated. And deepest condolences to David Robbins for being the only one who has yet to taste victory.
-There is a match up going today that I have been looking forward to since we started: Jack Donaghy vs. Michael Scott. I still don’t know who I am going to vote for.
-You can see the updated bracket here.
-Tomorrow is Saturday but the polls for today’s match ups will still close at 9am tomorrow morning. Or as soon as I can negotiate a deal with my 3yrs old daughter for her to stop playing “Barbie games on the pewter” and let me borrow it a minute.
-Get plenty or rest this weekend, Round 2 starts Monday.
Anybody keeping up with LB’s posts knows that last week, I did my best Eddie Murphy impersonation from Daddy Daycare. LB wasn’t feeling too well, so I quarantined her to bed rest for a few days and took over full responsibilities of Ada. After 2 workdays, 4 days in all, I had gained a whole new respect for LB and her daily duties. It’s amazing how 25 inches and 15lbs can wear you out like that! Around day 3 of my stint as Mr. Mom, after a few solo middle-of-the-night wake up calls, I denounced Ada of her Ruby Sue status, apparently Georgia is the well that causes Ada’s cross-eyedness. (If this doesn’t make sense, please see first paragraph of last post.) Below is a little glimpse into my life last Tuesday (Day 4) at about 5:30am. Yes, that says AM. Ada woke up at about 4am and decided it was playtime, not bedtime…..
I’ll see if I can explain what is going on here. There is Ada in her Baby Einstein loving her some Praise Baby (praise God for Praise Baby, pun fully intended.) Yes, I did feel guilty about plopping her down in front of the TV, but come on, it was 5 in the morning and she loves it. So, we were both happy. On the coffee table, you can see the remnants of leftover medication boxes, one attempt to ward off sickness LB could be hosting. My makeshift bed can be seen on the couch. This is where I tried to remain immune from LB’s dreaded disease. I guess the most predominate thing in the picture is the four loads of laundry, washed, dried, and folded throughout the living room floor. You would think 4 days, 4 four loads of clothes, that would be one load a day. You would be wrong. I had completed this task by day 2. However, I HATE putting clothes up, especially LB’s. I never know where they go, resulting in me prolonging this task as much as possible. That’s why everything is still sitting there 2 days later. I chose to step over the piles of clothes instead of putting them up. I won’t expand on this particular adventure any further since LB has already covered most of it and my favorite part…the arm-pit poop diaper.
The title of this post is deja vu for a reason. Saturday, LB went to Columbus for the day with some friends, leaving Ada and me to fiend for ourselves, again. I guess I had proven myself earlier in the week as I battled such harsh conditions and came out victorious. This time, things went much much better. Granted it was only for a day, as opposed to 4, but still, it was very successful.
LB headed out at about noon. I decided to take advantage of the great weather and take Ada for a walk. I put her in the stroller and took off to explore the neighborhood until I noticed a few eye rubs, signaling to Dad that it was nap time. We strolled home as quickly as possible with my fingers crossed the whole time. The finger crossing worked. I put her down and she was out, no belly flipping or anything. This was a good start to a great day. We had 2 more successful feedings with 2 even more successful nap times, with lots of daddy/daughter playtime mixed in between.
All the great napping also allowed time for me to knock out a couple movies. A Mighty Heart with Angelina Jolie, I usually don’t like her movies, but this was a good one. I would recommend it. The other one was The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I was really excited about this one being a big fan of Western/Outlaw type movies. What a big fat huge disappointment! First of all, it was almost 3hrs long, that is way too long for any movie that doesn’t have Lord of the Rings or Godfather in it’s title. Then, on top of its length, it is was verrrrrrry slooooooow. The story of Jesse James is pretty intriguing, they could have made it much cooler in about half the time if they wanted to. But then again, I guess there is a reason why I am predicting how much salad people will buy and not donning the directors chair.
Anyway, the second daddy daycare session was much more successful. I know it was only for about 8hrs instead of 48, but a very pleasant daddy/daughter day none the less.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed below are the views and opinions of the individual bloggers blogging them and do not necessarily represent the view and opinion of this blog.
Round 1 Match up 9: Bart Simpson vs. Liz Lemon
Fewer TV characters have raised the bar for what it means to be a real young man. If he's not out skating, reading Radioactive Man, defeating the villainous Sideshow Bob, fighting the man (whilst demanding they "eat his shorts"), making monumental prank phone-calls to Moe's Tavern without even having to think about it, or making Homer's life a living hell then you can trust he is befriending the unfriendable (Mlihouse & Ralph), ruining the love-life of Principal Skinner, bringing down, and chilling with his best friend, Santa's Little Helper. Yea, Bart's done more than any other TV character. Ever. Did I mention he's only 10?
We all know women cannot really compete with men on any level with regards to comedy or push-ups, but Liz Lemon begs to differ, and she doesn't even have to beg. As the only girl in the competition, Tina Fey has effectively created one of the funniest/wittiest/Emmy-est/sexiest? shows on television, and she did it without standing up to pee. If you have never seen 30 Rock, I dare you to find a character that can inception your brain with funny like Liz Lemon. If you're a woman, vote for her because she's one of the funniest people on television and happens to have your gender; and if you're a man, vote for her cause she's the one you'd probably want to most make out with. In the words of Liz Lemon, "If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself."
Round 1 Match up 10: Gob Bluth vs. Samuel “Screech” Powers
In the first round of any competition in the whole world, only one thing matters: the ability to make a yacht disappear. Only one man in the world of comedy has done that, with reckless panache: Gob Bluth. In fact, "reckless panache" might be the best words you could use to describe Gob. Flamboyant and confident, he is single-handedly responsible for making the Segway scooter as popular as it is today. Though he often makes huge mistakes and has difficulty pronouncing words that begin with the letter c, he courageously took over his family business and delighted millions with his avant-garde use of African American ventriloquistery. Who else has conquered the worlds of transportation, business, and the performing arts? I implore you to vote for Gob Bluth. Come on!
Screech deserves your vote because the character worked so well despite having some of the worst things going for him in television history. Think of the things he was given: a monstrosity of a wardrobe, a group of friends he shouldn't have been hanging out with, an obsessive stalker relationship with a classmate, and some of the worst writing television has ever seen. No other character could have survived under those circumstances, but Samuel Powers not only survived, he thrived. You loved Screech - we all did - and you wanted him to stay close with Zack and have a 45-minute makeout session with Lisa Turtle in Mr. Belding's office. If you're between the ages of 30 and 40 there's a good chance your saturday mornings would not have been the same without him.
Round 1 Match Up 11: Tobias Funke vs. Gareth Keenan
From the looks of it, Funke and Kienan have similar resumes: both frequently stole scenes in brilliant television shows with short runs, both trafficked in a bewildering lack of self-awareness, and both seemed confused sexually. Tobias should get the edge, though, for a few reasons: 1) Most of his lines were improvised by comedian David Cross, the only cast member who was given that much freedom, and who often spun euphemistic gold because of it; 2) Tobias also excelled in physical comedy (see: his cat-like reflexes and stunning pratfalls); 3) Tobias Funke probably would not attempt genocide if given any measure of real power. Gareth Kienan would, certainly.
You may know Dwight Schrute, but there would be no Dwight, were there not Gareth Keenan. Gareth is the powerless Assistant TO THE Regional Manager (David Brent) and self-appointed Team Leader at Wernham Hogg Paper. You know this character well because you have most likely worked with his real-life counterparts. He spends his day sucking up to management, taking himself too seriously, saying the wrong things at the wrong times... ad nauseam. He is gullible and frustrating, but absolutely essential to the office environment created by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant.
Round 1 Match Up 12: Larry David vs. Dave Chappelle
Larry David is both a person and a character. One of the greatest television characters of all time, George Costanza, is based on, and was created by, Larry David. He doesn't rely on gimmicks or catchphrases to win over his audience; he merely says what everyone was too afraid to say and does what everyone is too afraid to do. He is the quintessential Everyman – a prototype of what we all would be if we weren't slaves to social norms and political correctness. He is the greatest.
Dave Chappelle was a one man paradigm shift. His foray into comedy tv not only gave us memorable skits and characters that still live on today, but it also marked the first time that racism was examined as something we could laugh at. Chappelle dispensed it freely and without bias. Whether he was playing Clayton Bigsby (the black, white supremacist), Tyrone Biggums (the junkie with a heart of gold), or Rick James, Dave Chappelle had no equal in terms of comedic content. And just like that, he was gone. We've still yet to see anything like him or even anything moderately approaching his depth of humor and cultural influence.
The results from Day 2:
Andy Millman – 37%
Peter Griffin – 63%
Jerry Seinfeld – 90%
Joel Robinson – 10%
George Costanza – 63%
Creed Bratton – 37%
Chandler Bing – 69%
Cameron Tucker – 31%
News and Notes:
-I keep forgetting to tell everyone that there is an online bracket you can check out. You should print it out and make bets with coworkers. It will be exciting and gamble-y. You might even win a free lunch out of it. If that is what you bet on with your coworkers. Of course, you could owe someone lunch which is why I don't promote gambling.
-History was made in Day 2 of Round 1 when we saw what will probably end up being the biggest beat down of the competition with Seinfeld garnering 90% of his respective match’s votes. Insert topical Seinfeld "what's the deal with...." joke here.
-George Costanza also made it through which puts us one step closer to an epic Civil War like showdown between George and Jerry. It will be like that time the Mega Powers split up because Macho Man Randy Savage thought Hulk Hogan was trying to steal Miss Elizabeth.
-I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed that I don’t get the chance to post either the clip of either when Cameron presented his newly adopted daughter, Lily, to the entire family Mufasa-style or when Fizbo roughed that guy up at the gas station. Oh well, as I told a fellow competitor the other day, all is fair in love and blogger driven internet based television character tournaments.
What about you? Any outcomes bring you to the point of calling into question the legitimacy of this competition as it did some yesterday?
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed below are the views and opinions of the individual bloggers blogging them and do not necessarily represent the view and opinion of this blog.
Round 1 Matchup 5: Andy Millman vs. Peter Griffin
Ricky Gervais established his genius by co-creating and starring in "The Office" on the BBC. In true British fashion, they ended the show after 2 seasons and a Christmas Special. What could Gervais do after his wildly popular David Brent? He could create Andy Millman, the lead character in "Extras."Millman is an extra who dreams of becoming a proper actor. Gervais created even more uncomfortable moments for his alter ego as Millman poses as a Catholic to get a date, tries to impress a woman by poking fun at an apparent drunk who turns out to have MS (the "drunk" also happens to be the sister of the girl Andy was trying to impress) -- the list goes on.Gervais creates another character that makes us cringe, laugh and cheer on to the very end.
Peter Griffin is an Irish Catholic with a prominent Rhode Island and Eastern Massachusetts accent. Peter is also Mexican by birth. Peter primarily worked as a safety inspector at the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory, until his boss Jonathan Weed choked to death on a dinner roll; he then became a fisherman on his own boat, known as the S.S. More Powerful than Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, and The Incredible Hulk Put Together with the help of two Portuguese immigrants, Santos and Pasqual, until his boat was destroyed. He now works in the shipping department of the Pawtucket Patriot brewery.
Round 1 Matchup 6: Jerry Seinfeld vs. Joel Robinson
While you may think other characters on Seinfeld are more memorable, you're wrong. Jerry Seinfeld was tasked with playing a straight character not beholden to quirks like his friends but yet still full of comedy - and he nailed it. While the rest of his cast had their moments, Jerry Seinfeld carried the show that would go on to be the most influential comedy show of our lifetimes It's his stand-up routine that open and closed each episode and it's his name on the show that has been canonized as something even the most opposing tv viewers respect. That means something.
Have you watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 lately? You should. Some of them are on Netflix and Hulu now, and I'll tell you something: you will laugh just as much as you did when you watched these shows a decade ago. The premise is so brilliant, the characters so well-crafted, and the jokes so witty, no soul outside the MSTK3k universe has come close to replicating what Joel Hodgson turned into a television icon.
Round 1 Matchup 7: Goerge Costanza vs. Creed Brattton
Whether he was pretending to be a marine biologist, wearing women's glasses, or doing the opposite of every instinct he ever had, you always knew George was going to make you laugh. Everything about his life was worse than yours, from his lunatic parents to his pathetic dating life, and the window he provided into outcomes of bad decisions always made you feel better about yourself. He was petty, vindictive, and selfish, but we forgave him for all of it because his honesty was hilarious. The bottom line: George was the funniest character on the funniest television show of all time.
Have you ever heard Creed say something that wasn't funny? I didn't think so. He's comedy gold. And he'll score you anything you need for a reasonable price. So show some respect.
Round 1 Matchup 8: Chandler Bing vs. Cameron Tucker
Inception me this: the funniest comedy in ten years (besides Seinfeld if you happened to like it)...Friends, the funniest character...Chandler, your vote...refer to last answer. In the history of witty comebacks and one-liners, I dare, nay double, nay triple dog dare you to find a better wit-a-magician. For ten years he was the funniest character on TV, and probably got plagiarized by more guys trying to impress girls than The Notebook. He was so funny on that show it made me want to be bad with chicks so I could make jokes about it. In the immortal words of Chanandler Bong when Kathy said Wow, you have really gorgeous hair,..."Thanks, I grow it myself."
In the first round of any competition in the whole world, only one thing matters: being a large gay clown with an adopted Vietnamese daughter. Only one man in the world of comedy has accomplished this: Cameron Tucker. But you can call him, Cam. Cam may be the only man in history to have pressed bare buttocks together with Al Bundy. Cam has a flare for the dramatic and for fashion although he has been known to sport some too tight bike shorts on occasion. While Cam was tough enough to be the starting center for the University of Illinois football team which he rabidly supports through the use of facepaint, he’s gentle enough to be a stay at home dad for his daughter. And while Cam may be a gentle, you should never let him hear you speak ill about Meryl Streep. Yes, Cam is the only gay man in this competition so I implore you to set aside your bigotrous ways and vote for Cameron Tucker.
The results from Day 1:
Phil Dunphy - 54%
Steve Urkel - 46%
Heathcliff Huxtable - 64%
Barney Stinson - 36%
Homer Simspon - 48%
Michael Bluth- 52%
Tracy Jordan - 58%
David Brent - 42%
How did it match up to your expectations? Who was robbed?
Tell us what you think in the comments.
If this is your first time hearing about this competition or you didn't see my post from 45min ago, click here. Otherwise, let the games begin.
Round 1 Matchup 1: Steve Urkel vs. Phil Dunphy
Steve Urkel - "The Snort Heard 'Round the World". That's what the Polish said about the day Steve Urkel first arrived to TV. This lovable King of Geek was not only coined the phrases "Did I do that!?, Got any cheese? I'm wearin' you down, baby! I'm wearin' you DOWWWN!!!" but is also solely responsible for the ongoing fashion trends now circulating the hipster scene a la American Apparel & Urban Outfitters. He brought us teleportation (among many other scientific accomplishments), The Urkel Dance, and the infamous Stephan Urquelle. Steve Urkel showed us that not only are nerds hysterical, smart, lovable, and ahead-of-their-time fashionable, but they actually do get the girl.
Trendish khaki trousers...Laid-back shirt that screams "casual"...A man that has pioneered the art of "Peerenting" his children...It's Phil Dunphy - a man not afraid to be himself (unless he is being his suave alter ego Clive Bixby for a romantic tryst with his wife Claire).He is a master salesman, streetwise and deathly afraid of clowns.If it has gone wrong but somehow gone right, chances are... he did do that.
Round 1 Matchup 2: Heathcliff Huxtable vs. Barney Stinson
In the first round of any competition in the whole world, only one thing matters: supporting Historically Black Colleges through the use of sweatshirts. Only one man in the world of comedy has done this: Heathcliff Huxtable. Heathcliff Huxtable nurtured us all throughout the 80s with his strong fathership and his invention of Jell-o. Consider what you do on a typical evening with your family. Do you dance and do roundhouse kicks over the heads of your children? Do you and your children perform karaoke routines set to old jazz standards for your parents? Do you dispense hilarious yet winsome life lessons while wearing tasteful sweaters? Of course, all of us do those things nightly. Where do you think we learned these behaviors? None of us would be who we are today if not for Cliff Huxtable, so I implore you to vote for him.
Though How I Met Your Mother may not have the same comedic cache of other shows, the character of Barney Stinson exists outside the boundary of his show. His existence has sparked the proliferation of terms like "Bro" "Legendary" and "suit up" not to mention his crusade to bring laser tag back into societal relevancy. He's even written a Bro Code Bible, which if you haven't read it, is absolutely legen - wait for it - DARY. Which should come as no surprise from a man who's sole existence is built upon womanizing but yet we still love him for it.
Round 1 Matchup 3: Homer Simpson vs. Michael Bluth
Look, nothing against Michael Bluth, an excellent straight man in one of the best shows ever to exist, but we're talking about Homer Simpson here. Homer Simpson. If Homer Simpson doesn't win this whole thing, it's a travesty. If he doesn't get past the 1st round, all of America should be ashamed of itself. The world, really. It's Homer Simpson, for the love of everything holy and precious and sacred.
Over Arrested Development's 3 seasons, Michael Bluth successfully did something that no one else in that amazing cast was asked to do: he created a hilarious rapport with every single character on the show. From his siblings to his love interests, his parents to his son, and his lawyer to his brother-in-law, Michael Bluth was the comedy glue that made the show work so well. When you're the straight man among a cast of absurd characters no one expects you to deliver laughs, but that's exactly what he did in every episode of AD. This truly was one of the smartest comedies of the past 20 years, and no one was more responsible for that than Michael Bluth.
Round 1 Matchup 4: David Brent vs. Tracy Jordan.
You know how we all love Michael Scott and think he's one of America's best comedy characters of all time? Yeah, he's based on BBC's David Brent, branch manager for the British paper merchant Wernham Hogg. David taught us all how to love awkwardness – and embrace it. His unmatched self-righteousness stems from deep and unsettled insecurity...and so does ours. He's a renaissance man – singer, dancer, songwri-er, philosopher, comedian and friend (oh, and he wanted me to add "humanitarian").
The best part about Tracy is that you honestly have no idea what is about to come out of his mouth. His clever and straight jacket induced sayings and one-liners are better than anything produced between 1971 and 1984. This character deserves not only your vote, but at least 3 YouTube searches, because he upped the ante from day one on 30 Rock with some of the most ridiculously funny and straight up insanely clever jokes I've ever heard. If Liz Lemon is the heart of 30 Rock, Tracy Jordan is the fists beating the crap out of everyone around him while eating a sandwich. Like Tracy once said,"What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!"
It is finally here, the moment I have been waiting for my whole life since about 3wks ago. When Tyler Stanton so flippantly asked on his blog who was the greatest TV character of all time I knew I couldn’t let a topic so vital to humanity go unanswered, so I emailed him and this tournament was born.
A quick refresher on how the first round is going to go down: we will pit two characters up against each other in a no holds barred literary cage match where all they have to defend themselves is their honor, reputation, and the paragraphs that we’ve written for them. The winner will be decided by you in a quick poll after each bout.
Note: I am posting this for two reasons. 1) I can link back to this at the top of each post for the next two weeks to give some direction to any possible newcomers. 2) I still haven’t received two of the guy’s paragraphs so I am buying them some time. I’ve informed them that if I don’t get something soon I am just going to use Wikipedia’s bio information for their character. And we all know how much I love wikipedia. I will post the first actual tournament post at about 9am, so in about an hour.
Finally, the who’s who:
1. Steve Urkel
2. Bart Simpson
3. Jack Donaghy
4. Creed Bratton
1. Homer Simpson
2. Tobias Funke
3. Eric Cartman
4. Joel Robinson
1. David Brent
2. Larry David
3. Andy Bernard
4. Peter Griffin
1. Chandler Bing
2. Dwight K. Schrute
3. Liz Lemon
4. Tracy Jordan
1. George Constanza
2. Cosmo Kramer
3. Samuel Powers
4. Michael Bluth
1. Jerry Seinfeld
2. Michael Scott
3. Dave Chappelle
4. Barney Stinson
1. Andy Millman
2. George Michael Bluth
3. Gareth Keenan
4. Phil Dunphy
2. Gob Bluth
3. Ron Swanson
4. Cameron Tucker